Starfield's name-remembering robot buddy can't do 'Glenn' or 'Greg,' but it will call you 'Captain Assface'

Old man starfield character with pink hair and mustache smiling — (Image credit: Bethesda)

When Todd Howard revealed that Starfield's robot buddy Vasco could vocalize your character's name, I knew there were bound to be some "Bort license plate" situations waiting to happen. Reddit user andy24olivera claims to have datamined the list of hundreds of recorded names Vasco can draw from, and in my testing, it seems to be accurate⁠—both the omissions, and the more out-there inclusions.

There are a lot of joke options on that list, but something about "Assface" called to me. I girded my loins, booted up Starfield, and did an aggressive, impatient speedrun of its less-than-winning intro. Sure enough, when I approached Vasco, there it was: "Captain Assface." Mother of God, they actually did it.

Vasco robot in front of ship calling character "Captain Assface" — (Image credit: Bethesda)

I'd actually forgotten all about this promised feature with my first character, named "Glenn"—Vasco will only recognize the one-n version of this noble name, so my first dude was out of luck. The Gregs of the world are similarly left in the cold, be they of the one or two-g variety. There are a few Gregs in andy24olivera's comments lamenting Starfield's anti-Greg bias.

As much as I do have sympathy for the Gregs of the world, I don't want to get on Bethesda's case about omissions⁠—Vasco saying your name aloud is such a fun, silly flex, and there are so many names that will actually work, all drawing from a great variety of cultures and traditions. I'm mostly here for the joke ones though. It feels like the culmination of telling Ness' mom that his favorite food is something unmentionable, or giving your Pokemon rival a particularly undignified name. Here are a few of my other favorites from andy24olivera's list:

Boob
Boobie
Boobies
Cockerham
Danger
Orgasmo
Furiosa
Humongous
Humungus
Rockatansky

Ted has been thinking about PC games and bothering anyone who would listen with his thoughts on them ever since he booted up his sister's copy of Neverwinter Nights on the family computer. He is obsessed with all things CRPG and CRPG-adjacent, but has also covered esports, modding, and rare game collecting. When he's not playing or writing about games, you can find Ted lifting weights on his back porch. You can follow Ted on Bluesky.