I stand knee deep in a pool of blood. My coworkers, comrades, and friends reduced to food for soulless seagulls. Give a man a fish and he may throw it into the mouth of a weary fisherman, teach a man to fish and he shall bring forth the wrath of a spider crab who knows how to stab you with your own knife.
This was my first experience of the new multiplayer fishing sim How to Fish, and now I can see why it's become such a smash-hit among bored and borderline-violent friendship groups.
It has a simple premise: you and up to four friends learn how to fish. The cycle of work involves players buying a basic fishing rod at first, using this to fish for, well, fish and crustaceans, and then beating them to death with your bare knuckles, brass knuckles, or a sick-ass knife. Then you can either eat your catch to replenish your health or hunger or feed it to the lonely fisherman who sits on the dock and gives you coins for your hard work. With the coins gained you can buy more tools to help you fish, like the knife, or supplies which you can use as bait, such as half a hotdog or an empty beer can.
When I first woke up on the island I was met with a friendly punch in the face.
Some things can be so simple that they become boring, and perhaps How to Fish would fall into this trap, if it were just you and the fisherman on the island. But when you add three other people with nothing to lose and access to friendly-fire things get out of hand in the best way possible.
When I first woke up on the island I was met with a friendly punch in the face. From there on out my friends and I worked together, with the occasional fist fight, to get our cash stash up and resources ready to defeat our first boss. Oh, remember when I mentioned health? Yeah, this is why you need it.
It turns out that using a beer can to fish will lure in a monstrous spider crab who emerges from the ocean with the rage that only the pinnacle of evolution could muster. The music changes and a massive health bar appears—you must defeat this beast to continue to learn how to fish.
Our first encounter happened almost by accident and we were not prepared for it. We were cut down in no time at all and I was even carried off by a hungry seagull. The second fight went a little better, however.
I decided to take a back foot, as I was the only person armed with brass knuckles and not a knife. Instead of fighting I acted as medic, slapping my deceased comrades back to life while screaming "You don't get to give up on me yet!" Their poor dazed bodies would then stumble back into the fight against the spider crab, powered by my inspirational words and some clams.
I did get a couple of punches in while the crab was dazed. We even managed to get its health bar down past the final third. But alas, we failed and my body was once again flown off into the sunset by a hungry seagull.
We unfortunately had to cut our session short, but that hasn't stopped us from planning our next hunt. I certainly can't wait to get stuck back in to beat some fish and maybe learn how to actually fish. I've also got my eye on that sniper rifle and other guns which you can buy later on—that'll show that damn spider crab.
