so I spent an entire day pretending to be a casino valet from r/gtaonline
Casinos aren't the safest of places, least of all in GTA Online. Granted, it's not like they're the most perilous, but I'd say they're at least in the top half. You could get got by someone you've hustled, have a bottle of booze smashed over your head by an angry drunk, or even caught in the crossfire as it gets raided in a daring heist. But the last person you'd expect to do you in is the guy you chuck your car keys at on your way in.
But it turns out that some GTA Online players have met this rather unlikely end recently, courtesy of an especially inventive prankster. LuxLie666 posted their chaotic exploits to Reddit as they decided to become a valet for the day—well, one that takes their job description as more of a creative suggestion than a contractual obligation. By which I mean shooting, stabbing, and baseball bat-ing every unsuspecting player that's just strolling peacefully in for a quiet flutter.
They start by, err, relieving the regular valet of their duties at the Diamond Casino & Resort, at gunpoint. Next, they need to fool others into thinking they're just a regular NPC. They do that by selecting 'Ghost Organization' from the 'CEO Abilities' menu for $12,000 so their nickname and radar blip disappears. Naturally, the red sweater-vest and bow tie helps them blend in as they stand gleefully behind their wooden lectern, ready to start 'work'.
Then, with the plan neatly hatched and punters turning up in their flashy supercars and the odd helicopter—that person tries to fly under concourse, it doesn't go well—hilarity ensues. The first "customer," as LuxLie666 puts it, barely has time to react as the knife uppercut slashes them up the midriff, leaving them flopping unceremoniously to the floor. The second has a bit more luck as the baseball bat misses its first swing, giving them the chance to hop onto the roof of their car and scrabble to find out what on Earth has got into this vicious valet. It's glorious, and somewhat reminiscent of a pretty slapdash Hitman run.
Anyway, you can watch the three minutes of joyous japery in the video above. If you're in the mood for a bet, and you can actually get in the door in one piece, check out our GTA Diamond Casino guide to maximise your winnings.
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