Microsoft spits in God's face with Xbox-style Crocs that cost $80 and the sum total of your dignity

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We were given this whole planet, and look what we've done with it.

A pair of Crocs stylised to resemble Xbox controllers.
(Image credit: Microsoft / Crocs)

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. In a transparent attempt to get harried videogame news writers to write bewildered articles (touché, Microsoft), Xbox has partnered with Crocs to release an "exclusive collection" of atrocious branded footwear.

I fully concede that I've fallen into the trap on this one, but can you blame me? Look at those things. "Ready up with this controller-meets-clog design that reimagines the iconic Xbox controller with fixed buttons and joysticks into the perfect shoe for couch co-op and kicking back," goes the Xbox marketing blurb, like it's describing something perfectly normal and not an abrogation of humanity's duty to treat the Earth's fruits with care and respect.

A Vault Boy charm on the side of an Xbox Croc.

(Image credit: Microsoft / Crocs)

The question that must be asked, of course, is 'Are these an Xbox?' Has Microsoft's mad quest to slap the Xbox name on anything and everything led it down this dark road from which I fear there's no return? I think that may be the case. This is what we get for not being excited enough about Don Mattrick's plans to turn the Xbox One into a set-top box or something.

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Joshua Wolens
Joshua Wolens
News Writer

One of Josh's first memories is of playing Quake 2 on the family computer when he was much too young to be doing that, and he's been irreparably game-brained ever since. His writing has been featured in Vice, Fanbyte, and the Financial Times. He'll play pretty much anything, and has written far too much on everything from visual novels to Assassin's Creed. His most profound loves are for CRPGs, immersive sims, and any game whose ambition outstrips its budget. He thinks you're all far too mean about Deus Ex: Invisible War.

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