LIVE: I'm hunting for the least probable Goku on Nexus Mods and no god or government can stop me
My bosses might! But they haven't yet.
As I've asserted elsewhere, every game has two lives: The first begins on its launch day; the second when a modder inevitably puts Goku in it. Provided enough time, all games eventually conform to this axiom—sometimes even those that had already hosted a Goku to begin with.
But the universal drive to mod Goku into games doesn't always manifest as we'd expect. Goku is a clay molded by countless hands, and though his sculptors share a model, their works are anything but uniform. But which, of the innumerable Gokus we have wrought, is the strangest? Today, I've taken up a grave mission: I am searching Nexus Mods for its unlikeliest Goku. And I'm doing it live.
Criteria
While some Gokus may be assessed via hands-on mod usage as time and game access allow, this survey will largely be judging the mod listings themselves. To determine the least probable Goku on Nexus Mods, I'll be assigning the contenders a Saiyan Singularity Judgment (SSJ) score, calculated as the average of three ratings:
- Gokuitude: A measurement of whether the Goku in question is recognizably Goku. Does he look like Goku? Does he move like Goku? Does his model seem to suffer from a skeleton that would cause Goku terrible pain?
- Limit Breakability: If there's one thing Goku admires, it's the ability to surpass one's limits—and the SSJ Scoring System honors the same. Limit Breakability is a subjective assessment of how thoroughly an individual Goku shouldn't exist within its respective software, yet—through determination—was made to. For a time, at least.
- Wish Grantology: Because the Dragon Balls grant wishes, you see. A vibes-based evaluation of how well the mod delivers the fantasy of playing Goku in a given videogame.
Goku by Chhristianx (Guitar Hero World Tour)
Gokuitude: 7 | Limit Breakability: 8 | Wish Grantology: 5
While the creator of this Guitar Hero World Tour mod helpfully explains that "Goku wants to see how strong your band is," I have one main complaint: I don't believe for a second that Goku could ever learn how to play guitar. Guy's head is too empty. But hey! That counts as unlikely to me.
Actually, I have two complaints. His wrist is doing something uncanny in that image and I don't like looking at it.
SSJ SCORE: 6.67
DragonBall by wolve (Oblivion)
Gokuitude: 2 | Limit Breakability: 3 | Wish Grantology: 2
Modders are so pure.
SSJ SCORE: 2.3
Jump Force Goku by NorskPL (Black Myth: Wukong)
Gokuitude: 5.5 | Limit Breakability: 5 | Wish Grantology: 6.5
I don't feel very good.
I'll allow that there's a logic here: As our Wes Fenlon previously chronicled, Black Myth: Wukong is based on the same Chinese mythological figure that served as Akira Toriyama's inspiration for Goku—before he ended up being an alien who landed on Earth in a space pod, anyway. They're both monkey guys. They both have a fondness for fighting with poles. I get it.
But that doesn't mean I have to enjoy the fact that putting Goku's model over Wukong's animation rig makes it look like his flesh is actively trying to rip itself off his body.
SSJ SCORE: 5.7
Goku by at-emribilemir (Marvel's Spider-Man Remastered)
Gokuitude: 8 | Limit Breakability: 7.5 | Wish Grantology: 7
Now that's the stuff. There's nothing to make you appreciate human ambition like knowing somebody in the world was swinging through simulated New York as Spider-Man and thought, "It'd be sick if Goku was doing this." And they were right.
Sure, it's a little weird seeing Goku web swinging when he knows how to fly, but he's a free spirit. Let him try stuff out. God forbid Earth's mightiest warrior have a little fun out there.
SSJ SCORE: 7.5
DragonBall Z Overhaul Project by Rigormortician and Redman (Skyrim)
Gokuitude: 4 | Limit Breakability: 5 | Wish Grantology: 4
Considering modders have spent years turning Skyrim into a sort of infinite possibility field, seeing it host a semblance of a Goku isn't particularly surprising. That said, I can admire how DragonBall Z Overhaul Project's creators added DBZ punch sound samples to round out their ki blast and kamehameha spells. Unfortunately, a Nord wearing Goku's pants does not a Goku make.
SSJ SCORE: 4.3
Hey its me Goku by CaliKingz01 (Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3)
Gokuitude: 8 | Limit Breakability: 2 | Wish Grantology: 2.5
As we embark on this undertaking, I think it'd be helpful to establish a baseline by examining what I feel comfortable calling a Median Goku. This mod by CaliKingz01 is a fairly straightforward model swap for UMvC3: It's Ryu, but he's Goku now. It's sensible. It's simple. There are no moveset adjustments to really embody the Goku fantasy, but Ryu already basically does a kamehameha anyway.
It's a conventional, honest case of conjuring a Goku. Respectable, but not remarkable. We're looking for more.
SSJ SCORE: 4.17
It begins
Regardless of how I'm changed by this work, know that I volunteered for it willingly, and only to further the cause of understanding. It's not Goku's fault.
