Mod of the Week: Superman Script, for Grand Theft Auto IV
There’s been no word on whether or not GTA V will come to PC, probably because Rockstar’s staff are all helplessly trapped under giant piles of console cash. Luckily, we still have GTA IV, and there are plenty of mods to spice it up, such as the new Superman Script. Pull your red undies on over your blue tights and employ super-fast running, the power of flight, invincibility, heat vision, super breath, and the ability to punch and kick enemies into orbit.
Being a superhero in Liberty City is not only great fun (I’ve done it previously with Iron Man and Hulk), but is also very important because Liberty City’s citizens desperately need defending from horrible murderers like Iron Man and Hulk. Looks like it’s time for a DC comic hero to step in and do the job those Marvel heroes couldn’t: save the effing day.
First things first: I’ll need a fortress of solitude, somewhere I can relax with my thoughts when the citizens of Liberty City become annoying and irritating (which is immediately, since annoying and irritating is their default setting). With no icy north pole on the map (nice job leaving that out, Rockstar!) I find the next best place to make my superhero HQ, a dead-end street in a quiet neighborhood. With no magic ice pillars, I’m forced to build my fortress out of cars from my neighbor’s driveways, which I can lift over my head (because I’m alien-strong) and fly around with (because I can fly).
My car fortress project doesn’t, uh, go too well. I can’t carefully place cars down where I want them, I can only fling them super hard at the street. The car alarms keep going off when the cars get smashed, which means my fortress is incredibly noisy, which does not pair well with the whole solitude thing. Also, it’s not so much a “fortress” as it is “a bunch of stolen cars strewn around with their alarms blaring”. Plus, when I fly off to gather more cars from other generous citizens, some of the previously collected cars have disappeared upon my return, as if my neighbors are waiting for me to fly off before skittering carefully outside and collecting their dinged-up vehicles.
Okay, forget the fortress. Superman just can’t have nice things, I guess. I launch myself into the sky, finding a passenger jet and overtaking it in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, the plane it doesn’t seem to need saving, even after I helpfully crash into it a few times, so I land on the airport tarmac to check on the other planes. Airport security doesn’t seem too happy about it, however, and a helicopter arrives and starts shooting me. While Superman cannot be hurt by bullets, Superman’s feelings can. I fly off, using the 200mph winds to wipe away my tears.
I land near a hotdog stand, and decide to help the vendor heat up his dogs, using my heat vision! It works a little too well: he and his customer both burst into flames. Luckily, I am Superman and I also have SUPER BREATH, which means I can blow out the flames! This also blows the charred citizens though the air and across the ground, where they lie, completely relaxed and unmoving, having been helped to death by me, Superman. YOU’RE WELCOME!
The police don’t seem fond of my selfless efforts to warm up snacks with super-hot looking, and one of them starts shooting at me. What’s the best way to explain myself to him, to let him know that everything is okay, that I’m just a helpful superpowered alien from outer space? I can’t tell him, and I can’t point to outer space. Maybe if I kick him into outer space, he’ll understand in the moment before he dies of horrible superkicking wounds?
More officers show up, and I kick them into space too. Eventually, they're bound to understand my horrible message of peace.
I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating when I say I'm kicking dudes into space, but seriously, some of them go really, really far when you kick them.
SWAT teams and attack choppers show up, and they can't hurt me with bullets, and can't catch me when I fly away at top speed, and I can burn them from the sky with eye-lasers and blow them across the road with super breath and punch and kick until everything is either smashed or in orbit. I'm friggin' Superman, I'm invincible, and nothing can stop me. Good thing for this city that I'm not a villain. They'd be in real trouble.
As the sun sets on a day of hideous carnage and pointless car forts, I feel a little bad that I've super-killed, like, hundreds of people. What does Superman do when he has a day he’d like to erase? Oh, right! Fly around the earth really fast and turn back time! I try that, and while I can definitely incredibly fly fast, time doesn’t seem to be turning the other way. Also learned, when you try circling the earth at super speeds, you should probably do it from high up, not at street level.
Installation: The usual GTA IV mod site is unfortunately currently down, so this is going to be a little tricky. The mod page has a couple download links under the trailer video, just be careful. It's Adfly, so look to the upper right corner of the page for 'Skip This Ad' to appear and take you to the download page.
You’ll need OpenIV, of course, which you can download on this page which looks sort of suspicious but is the actual OpenIV page. Once you install and run it, open the tools tab, select Package Installer, then navigate to the superman.oiv file that came from the mod’s zip file.
Once you load the game, pressing the Insert key will bring up the mod menu. Instructions for the controls for Supe’s various powers can be found on the mod page.