Before we get too deep into this, allow me to state from the outset that Genital Jousting is a game about disembodied cartoon penises, which also have buttholes, trying to insert themselves into each other. If you choose to stop reading now, no one will judge you for that.
Still here? Well, then you've pretty much got the gist of the game. Genital Jousting is a party game for three to eight players from the developers of Broforce and published by Devolver Digital. Despite it being one big gag—colorful penises flop around accompanied by sloppy sound effects and spurts of, well, yup as they try to have sex—it's actually pretty fun. Watch the video above to see Bo, Tim and myself trying to put our wangs inside each other. Which is not a sentence I expected to write today.
The whole game uses nothing but the left stick on a controller, and the standard mode has fairly simple rules: stick yourself into someone else, or have someone do the same to you, in order to score a point. You play a series of rounds until someone reaches a certain amount of points. Party Mode shakes things up with five rounds from a randomized list of game modes, including racing levels and a Gang Beasts-style wrestling ring.
It's not hard to grasp, but these easy rules can actually lead to some strategic moments. If you are neck-and-neck (shaft-and-shaft?) with another player, you want to avoid "getting intimate" with them because then you'll both get points. Instead, you need to simultaneously cock block while trying to beat them to another player's hole. Sure, it's not chess, but it is deeper than I expected from a game featuring a half dozen flaccid dicks.
Genital Jousting just hit Steam Early Access for $5, but already has online play and is even more fun with the right crowd. A good rule of thumb is probably to avoid playing with anyone you wouldn't want to play Cards Against Humanity with. There are unlockables to earn as you play, including different costumes for your peen and new game types for the party mode. More are going to be added later, along with a single player campaign. I fear to imagine what that might involve.