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The worst Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals no one should buy

(Image credit: Amazon)

During Black Friday and Cyber Monday an enormous amount of things go on sale. Most are excellent discounts on a range of exciting items like PC components, videogames, and accessories. But what you're about to see are not those deals. As we scoured the internet for every Black Friday and Cyber Monday PC gaming deal we could find over the weekend we also came across a lot of bizarre, weird, and dumb shit. Some are terrible purchases masquerading as a good deal while others are discounts on items that no one should ever purchase. Ever.

There were a lot of bad deals—too many. So we decided to hand-pick some of our favorites and throw together this list. From cringeworthy baby gamer clothes to a keyboard with room for your lighter, these are the worst Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals we've found so far.

An actual fishbowl full of condoms 

(Image credit: Amazon)

Nothing says you are a sex-having adult who definitely has sex (and lots of it, too!) quite like a decorative fishbowl full of Durex condoms. Most people tend to hide their rubbers in a nightstand drawer or some other private location, but not you, Mr. SexMan. You take so many trips to Bonetown that you have TSA pre-clearance, and what better way to let the world know about your sexual proclivities than to buy this $35 bowl of assorted condoms that also comes with a 25-percent coupon for Black Friday.

Now when friends and family come to visit, they'll all know what an absolute pimp you are. And your partners will appreciate the variety of sensations, as this fishbowl includes Extra Sensitive Condoms, Invisible Ultra Thin Condoms (which are totally different), Intense Sensation Dotted Condoms, and XXL Condoms—the latter purely for decorative purposes.

Disturbingly overpriced last-gen gaming PCs 

Buying a pre-built PC is a controversial move and Walmart, the absolute last brand you should trust to build you a decent PC, proves why. Their Overpowered brand of gaming desktops should actually be called Overpriced instead, but this year's Black Friday deal really takes the cake. Right now, Walmart is trying to sell their last-gen Overpowered desktop PCs (which come bundled with an 8th gen Intel Core i7 and a GTX 1080Ti) for only $100 less than what they tried to sell them for last year. But $1,500 is a ridiculous price for old hardware when you can easily find current generation equivalents for around the same price—either by buying components individually or going with a pre-built distributor that actually know what they're doing. Either way, don't buy Walmart-brand PCs, kids.

A Black Friday bodyguard who will beat up moms and dads for you 

Doing your own Black Friday shopping is for suckers, man. A smart consumer would know that the real way to experience Black Friday is to hire this real-life greaser who will gladly clock an old lady or stand in lines for the paltry fee of $8.50 an hour. Though he doesn't give his name (I'm going to assume it's something like Frankie the Split), this certified Black Friday gangster has "plenty of feleonies(sic)" so you don't have to worry about him backing down from a fight. You absolutely do have to worry about him pulling a switchblade and forcing your local Best Buy into lockdown for the rest of the evening, though.

Frankie, though, is a real gem. He's 300 lbs, 6-feet tall, and even comes with a money back guarantee. But, honestly, I think the only thing you can really guarantee with this guy is that he definitely has a fishbowl full of condoms on his dresser.

This awful and slightly insulting jumper for a baby 

(Image credit: Amazon)

What you see before you is the perfect trifecta of cringe—an article of baby clothing that chastises a father for his gaming habits, humbly brags about having sex, and worst of all turns your baby into a token of your obviously unresolved relationship issues. It's a gift that plays on all sorts of loaded stereotypes that results in a nuclear no-win situation for whoever receives it. If you're the father of a child who owns this, make no mistake: This isn't a gift for your baby. It's a warning that everyone in your life knows what a dweeb you are. 

Gaming keyboard with a… holder for your lighter? 

(Image credit: Amazon)

Behold, a gaming keyboard that has it all, and by "all" I mean slots for your phone and Bic lighter to sit. I'm not sure what poor engineer was forced at gunpoint to come up with this design, but I can't say I've ever been sitting at my desk cursing the heavens for not having a place to put my lighter. It's such a weird feature that my only guess is that this keyboard was designed for use in seedy, cigarette-filled Shanghai LAN cafes. That would explain the $40 price too. But maybe I'm being narrow-minded here and the Venn diagram overlap between heavy smokers and hardcore gamers is actually a really big and lucrative market.  

This disturbingly expensive 7-year-old PC

Newegg is normally a great source of excellent deals, but this pre-built PC is a real doozy. For just under $800, it comes with a blistering fast… quad core AMD A10 and a Geforce GTX 650? Wait, what? Even when those parts first released several years ago, they were entry-level components. Now they're packaged up in PC that is woefully behind the times and pretty ugly too. It's just a terrible deal.

To give you a comparison, we specced out a low-end PC build using Black Friday deals that sports an AMD Ryzen 5 2600 and a GTX 1660 Ventus and it only cost us $500. That anyone might accidentally spend $300 more on a machine that was still underwhelming back in 2015 is a Thanksgiving tragedy just waiting to be written.

This subwoofer for your ass 

(Image credit: Amazon)

The ButtKicker BK-GR Gamer is a subwoofer that "allows you to feel the gut-wrenching punch of machine-gun fire" hammering against your rectum—the epitome of immersive audio. It's a subwoofer that you can build into simulation flying or racing setups, so you can feel the rev of a Subaru WRX-STI engine via the 90 watt subwoofer. It's like haptic feedback but for your colon. 

Steven enjoys nothing more than a long grind, which is precisely why his specialty is on investigative feature reporting on China's PC games scene, weird stories that upset his parents, and MMOs. He's Canadian but can't ice skate. Embarrassing.