Incredible savings! This $100,000 8K TV is half-off

Samsung 8K TV
(Image credit: The Simpsons / Samsung)

Like all normal millionaire PC gamers, 1920x1080 resolutions make me want to puke. I simply demand an impossibly expensive 8K screen that can display no less than 16 times that: 7680x4320 is the new bar, set elegantly by this 98-inch Samsung TV. 

Finally, a television for the everyman, the Samsung Q900. For the low, low price of $49,997.99, you get a remote control, eight capitalized Ks, and Wi-Fi support, among other key features. 

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If you've ever wanted to not only study the pores on your local news person's face but also build a home inside each and every one of them, then rent them out to the lower class and slowly squeeze them with incremental rent increases over the years, meanwhile lobbying for looser housing laws to increase profit margins so you can buy more pointless, effectively DOA futuretech, then this is the TV for you. 

While I appreciate the $50,000 saved, I do feel as though spending the full $100,000 on a state-of-the-art television is kind of the point. Even so, I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend that extra $50,000 on a couple shell companies and the requisite 8K TV accessories, such as a gold-plated HDMI cable (ribbed with genuine dolphin vertebrae!) and a film studio for producing 8K video content. 

There is very little of it, and I grow tired of watching upscaled versions of You've Got Mail and Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me on DVD. Yes I still watch DVDs, the medium for digital video. I'm sorry, what is Netflix? Chaz? Pencil in 'Google Netflix' after my lunch with the Illuminati. 

Samsung Q900 | 98-inch | OLED | 8K | $99,997.99$49,997.99 at B&HPhoto (save $50,000)
Absolute bargain

Samsung Q900 | 98-inch | OLED | 8K | $99,997.99 $49,997.99 at B&HPhoto (save $50,000)
A television for super villains and dads in way over their heads, the Samsung Q900 is a great TV for anyone born in the year 2050. AI-upscaling can't make up for the dearth of 8K content out there, just like the size of your television can't make up for the lack at the center of being. It'll look great on the far dungeon wall!

I'm disappointed that it doesn't come with a certificate signed by your local public schoolteachers simply asking, "Why?" And despite my assistant's assistant's calls to Samsung's Platinum Tier customer service line, we cannot confirm whether or not the screen is deliverable by yacht. 

I was also surprised to hear that the diamonds advertised in the display image are not only not diamonds, but chunks of weird ice that do not come with the television. Harumph! I suppose we'll have to settle for now, fellow relatable and equally wealthy PC gamers. 

Editor's note: Not sure what happened with James here. If you want a reasonably affordable TV, we've got this one below which he's calling 'a grotty moving picture box for the proles' .

Vizio UHD SmartCast TV | 55-inch | OLED | $1,299.99 $899 at Best Buy (save $400)
Offensively cheap ...

Vizio UHD SmartCast TV | 55-inch | OLED | $1,299.99 $899 at Best Buy (save $400)
Want an OLED TV? Of course you do, and now Vizio has slashed the price of its 55-inch SmartCast screen there is now one that's more within reach than we've seen. With $400 off the list price this OLED TV has been designed with gaming in mind with its new ProGaming Engine.

James Davenport

James is stuck in an endless loop, playing the Dark Souls games on repeat until Elden Ring and Silksong set him free. He's a truffle pig for indie horror and weird FPS games too, seeking out games that actively hurt to play. Otherwise he's wandering Austin, identifying mushrooms and doodling grackles.