Describe a game in 5 words

Borrowing a prompt from the Xbox UK Twitter account , which itself borrowed it from someone else, who also probably borrowed it, today we're not asking a question but putting forward a challenge: describe a game as best (or absurdly) as you can using just five words. You can describe the plot, or what you do in the game, or a character—whatever gets the point across. 

Here's what some of the PC Gamer team had to say, and we'll add our favorites from the PC Gamer Club, the comments, and Twitter to this article later this week. Can you guess what each of ours is about? (Chris Livingston's is especially tricky.) 

Jody Macgregor: "Blackjack, meet this taffer's head."

Andy Kelly: "Sad man's wife's not dead."

Joe Donnelly: "Blitzball is the absolute worst."

Tim Clark: "They always have Kill Command."

Evan Lahti: "Authentic Realistic Military Antics 3"

Austin Wood: "Thank god, a dead end."

Andy Chalk: "Russian train ride, with zombies."

Tom Senior: "Bathtub mutant solves ghost crimes."

Chris Livingston: "Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands."