An interesting story—irresistible, really—went up on German site PlayNation today (translated by a Resetera user) that told the sad tale of a Gamescom attendee with a problem. He was standing in line for a Fortnite event, where an exclusive spray was being given away, when suddenly he was hit with a most pressing urge in his nether regions.
Gamescom lines are titanic things, and he had already waited for such a long time. He asked his neighbors to hold his spot, but his pleas were rebuffed. And so, faced with an impossible choice, he did the only thing he could: He dropped trou, and dropped a deuce.
Being a considerate sort of fellow, our on-the-go shitter coiled his log into a bag—but, not wanting to walk around with a swag-bag turd all day (and really, who can blame him), he left it on the floor. That is when the situation went off the rails, according to the report: The crowd was so tightly pressed that people were stepping on it and smearing poo all over Hall 8, and it smelled so bad that somebody puked and service personnel refused to go near it. It ultimately fell to some poor sap from Epic or Gamescom organizer Koelnmesse (it isn't clear which) to deal with it.
Great story, funny story, and just believable enough to be real. Who among us has not laid down a bomb at least once in our lives, after all? Maybe not in the middle of a huge crowd, I suppose, but that's the kind of twist that makes it easy to want it to be true. There's just one problem:
I can’t believe I need to tweet this, but this did not happen. https://t.co/P6n0hcatsMAugust 24, 2018
An Epic rep confirmed in an email (because yes, I asked) that the poo story is not true. Were it true, you'd expect to see photos of such a momentous event all over social media, and yet none exist, so we're inclined to believe the official line.
It's a shame, really, because I did so very badly want to believe. But as IGN's Chloi Rad pointed out in a tweet of her own, we should have known: If this had really happened, Epic would already be teasing a new "Shit in a Sack" dance emote by now.