Baldur's Gate 3 has launched to much fanfare, and the early signs are that we eatin' good: real good, if Fraser's work-in-progress review is anything to go by. Another indicator might be the PC Gamer Slack, which is currently crammed with discussions of characters, quests, secrets, bard idolatry, and modding it so you can have a backstory as a goat.
Such has been the heedless excitement, in fact, that I don't think one of the PC Gamer staffers playing this thing actually read through the entire terms of service. Unimaginable, right? Well it's tough luck for any of them who thought they may have a future with the Fey folk, because Larian's lawyers (truly the most fearsome sub-class) have slipped-in a clause about the player's "additional obligations under Eldritch law" near the end of the game's terms of service, as spotted by Twitter user Krenbot.
So did anyone else actually read the Baldur's Gate 3 TOS or was it just me pic.twitter.com/Nhw394d1uqAugust 4, 2023
"Time for a pause," reads the technically enforceable text, "as We understand by now your mind is longing for respite, having endured the above numerous provisions of legal jargon.
"So, setting aside the weighty tomes of somber legality, embracing a lighter path of ancient customs and mystical decrees that governed the fair folk, please be wary that in accepting this Pact, you agree to refrain from striking a deal with another creature of Fey, Infernal, or otherwise Eldritch origin. Should you nonetheless not be able to withstand the seductive melody whispered by their malevolent terms, We reserve the right to sever all ties professional or social with the end user, and seek appropriate remedy from the Morninglord."
Well, I suppose it makes a change from legal teams making you sign over the house and kids for the privilege of playing. I guess in this case you just run the risk of the Morninglord blinking you out of existence.
Baldur's Gate 3's release hit Steam like a giant iceberg, with the game at the time of writing boasting over 500,000 players: not bad for the sequel to a 23 year-old RPG. PC Gamer staff are just beginning to uncover the mysteries and secrets in… OK, I just checked and they're all talking about hats. And a dog? "I'm sweating trying to figure out a fucking mask," says one anonymous Scottish guides writer.
Strap in because BG3 is here for the long haul. And yes, everyone (and his dog) is going to be save scumming the life out of this. Only problem is, the game's first notable bug stops you doing exactly that: how capricious the gods can be.