Skip to main content

Celebrity SimCity: Day 3 - Everyone poops

The State of the Region

Total Population: 669,694 ● Treasury balance: §603,899

1

It's a gorgeous day in PCG County! Well, OK, it's a pretty alright day in PCG County. On days like this, when the smog parts just a little, you can sometimes catch a glimpse of the sun scattering rays across Hepatitis Seas and bathing our already-irradiated residents with golden ultraviolet warmth. Here's what's happening.

Disaster in New Tyblurg

New Tyblurg, pop. 159,130 — According to a city spokesperson, the sewage backup incident which completely saturated New Tyblurg with feces was caused by "a failure in the city's Alt-Tabbing systems." I'm convinced, aren't you? And though the majority of the population is now sick, there's no evidence to link their mostly-treatable diseases to sewage. Besides, there are bigger problems: an unrelenting series of disasters—tornadoes, monsters, you name it—has brought New Tyblurg to its knees (and no one wants to be on their knees in New Tyblurg right now).

The worst came when an earthquake destroyed a nuclear power plant, irradiating a quarter of the city. There's little hope for salvage now, unless a team of nuclear mutants figures out a cure for dying in a puddle of sewage.

Texas II: Origins founded

Texas II: Origins, pop. 15,259 — Executive Mayor Evan Lahti has entered the region, bringing drilling expertise and a taste for the sweet, sweet blood of the earth. There looks to be a lot of it, so the county will continue to monitor and heavily tax Texas II as it grows—if rumors are correct, a county-wide international airport could be in the works.

Jordan Yin abducted by aliens

Blue Lake City, pop. 84,499 — Mayor Jordan Yin, Ph.D. will be unable to stay in office now that he's orbiting Betelgeuse, but aerial shots of Blue Lake reveal a well-balanced city, operating with the kind of efficiency you'd expect from the only mayor in the region with urban planning expertise.

But there's a twist—a leaked memo from the mayor's office indicates Yin was already set to resign before the greys got him:

Dear Sims of Blue Lake City,

It is with a heavy heart that I announce my resignation as your founding Mayor. In the wake of the scandal involving the "questionable pictures" that have surfaced in the media, I have decided that the best act I can take to honor our fair city is step aside. Of course, many of us visited the once-great City of Herpes in our youth and perhaps foolishly assumed that "what happens in Herpes, stays in Herpes".

As I look from the Mayor's House across our beautiful city center, I take pride in having taken our city from its meager founding as a coal-darkened outpost of the Discovery Delta and, with your help my fellow Sims, what now stands before you is a city of promise that is poised to leap forward. Our population soared past 50,000 and with a count of more than 84,000 Sims, the city is headed toward becoming one of the largest in the region. We have survived tornadoes, monster attacks, and crime waves, and built a civic life that is second to none, with modern hospitals, a university, and some of the finest casinos in the Delta. And, despite some economic ups and downs, I leave behind a city that can pay its bills and has the resources to invest in the future.

—Mayor JordPlan

You'll be missed, mayor.

Tyler Wilde
Tyler has spent over 900 hours playing Rocket League, and slightly fewer nitpicking the PC Gamer style guide. His primary news beat is game stores: Steam, Epic, and whatever launcher squeezes into our taskbars next.