Please remain calm, but for whatever reason we're being blessed by the timeline where tongue-in-cheek relaxation machine PowerWash Simulator gets a crossover with venerable grim, dark sci-fi series Warhammer 40,000. There's just a teaser trailer and a short description, that's it, but I'm still very excited.
"Clean up the Grim Darkness of the Far Future when Warhammer 40,000 comes to PowerWash Simulator," says the description from developer FuturLab, "As humanity stands at the edge of what could be its darkest age, could you wash away the grime to reveal a brighter future?" (Spoilers: no.)
But that's terrible, you might say, there's no way this could be appropriate for 40k. To which I will say: This is perfectly canonical to me because in Warhammer 40,000 there is literally a dark and evil god of things being dirty and decaying and gross and making you sick. He is named Nurgle and obviously that is why we need to keep the tanks clean.
"Ave Imperator, menial serf," I imagine it'll go. "The vile forces of evil have polluted the God-Emperor's Most Holy Tanks and Armors and Bastion-Fortresses and Other War-Gear. This foul grime must be cleansed in His name."
The concept is exciting, right? There's all kinds of stuff I'd like to clean in the Warhammer universe, with its blend of baroque science-fantasy aesthetics with gothic styles and strange equipment on scales both unreasonable and unfathomable. A non-exchaustive list of things I'd like to clean include: Some Power Armour, a Warhound-Class Scout Titan, a Tarantula Turret, a Drop Pod with Integrated Tarantula Turret, a Rhino Transport, a Leman Russ Battle Tank, anything belonging to the Orks, some kind of giant cathedral would be cool. You get my drift here. I want to clean the things.
There's no launch date for Warhammer 40,000 x PowerWash Simulator yet, but I am quivering with anticipation.
It's a feeling I'm not alone in, as PowerWash simulator's 32,000+ Steam reviews, 97% positive, attest. We've got paeans to the game here on PC gamer, as well. "I'm more powerful than ever," said Rachel Watts. "The perfect counter to the stress of Elden Ring," said Sarah James. "The best Far Cry game I've ever played," said Joshua Wolens.
This is hardly the first weird crossover PowerWash Simulator has gotten, for the record. You've got Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy VII already, with SpongeBob Squarepants on the way. It's just not a very serious game. Except about powerwashing. It's very serious about that.