I don't even know what to say about Spelunky speedruns anymore. YouTuber D Tea has beaten the game's hardest run – through the City of Gold and Hell – in three minutes and forty-four seconds, and you know what? I'm not surprised. I won't be surprised when it's beaten either. I've ceased to be surprised by what amazing Spleunky players can achieve.
Last time we reported on a Hell run it was impressive that the game had been beaten in less than seven minutes. How far away those innocent days seem now.
"Very, very good run," D Tea writes in the YouTube description. "This was a seed where pretty much everything went right, apart from a few small factors like not having a compass. The fast start, shopkeeper de-aggro on 3-4, and a 42 second hell were all amazing (and lucky) things that made this run good."
D Tea reckons there are ways to shave time off the record, too. "The only realistic time saves here are in the temple with the somewhat slow 4-2 and 4-3," he writes, "as well as Olmec with the hell door spawn being on the right side."
Think you're up to the challenge? I'm not. No siree.