Promise Mascot Agency was already wonderfully weird when it released back in April, so when I saw that its latest update adds Tony Hawk-style grinding tricks into its bizarro Japanophile delivery sim, my instant reaction was, "Oh yes, of course." If anything, I'm surprised the game launched without the ability to propel your van along a steel road barrier in a glorious shower of sparks. Shame on you, Kaizen Game Works, for not thinking of this sooner!
This new ability is part of the deviously named Prepare to Grind update, arriving in the form of an upgrade for your Kei Truck. With the upgrade installed, combining a jump toward a metal fence or a train track with a swift push of the "interact" key will see your van swoop along your railing of choice while waggling two middle fingers in the face of friction.
But this isn't the only new feature the Prepare to Grind update slides in. The update also adds time trials to the game. Ten of them, to be precise, each offering a new hero card to nab provided you complete the challenge with a par time. In addition, there are new hero cards available from Captain Sign and Kaso-Mart stores alongside the time trials.
Elsewhere, the update introduces a range of difficulty modes which you can select at the start of a game and change at any point during play, while Kaso Marts can also be interacted with now, though Kaizen remains tight-lipped over what will happen if you do. Finally, the update adds "new seasonal props" for special days like Hallowe'en and Christmas, as well as Japan-specific festivals like Children's Day and Obon, lending the game a more festive flair for those occasions.
All told, the patch should improve what was already one of PC Gamer's highest-rated games of the year. Maddi Chilton awarded the game a whopping score of 94 in her Promise Mascot Agency review, calling it "so frustratingly well-constructed, balancing so many opposing tones and mechanics with such a genuine, honest, and effective narrative, that I can't imagine the next games I play aren't going to suffer without Pinky in the back of my truck tagging along." High praise indeed.
Between Promise Mascot Agency's latest update and the release of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 + 4, we are two steps closer to reclaiming the word 'grinding' for pop-punk-pilled elder millennials who still habitually fondle a phantom wallet-chain. No longer shall grinding be primarily associated with tedious mob-murder in the name of XP. Instead, we shall instantly recognise it as performing a sick, angular slide along a length of metal, just as God (Tony Hawk) intended.
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