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Crusader Kings 3 players have eaten 1.5 million prisoners

(Image credit: Paradox Interactive)
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Crusader Kings 3 (opens in new tab) received its first patch today, bringing with it a massive list of balance tweaks, along with some UI changes and bug squashing. And because it's CK3, the patch notes (opens in new tab) get pretty weird. Paradox also released some stats from the game's first month, revealing our many atrocities. 

First off, the 1.1 update. CK3 feels like Paradox's most polished and most playtested grand strategy romp yet, but it's also incredibly dense, so the team's found plenty to tweak. For instance, it's now harder to abduct other rulers or members of their court, suggesting that royal kidnappings were getting out of hand. It also looks like courtiers were running out on their kids too often, so now they'll be more likely to stick around if you have a kid with them. 

Among the most significant changes are the enhancements to the Mongol Empire. The Mongolian invasion is meant to be this seismic event, but so far I've found that they just show up and kind of hang around, barely terrifying anyone. The 1.1 update promises to change that, making the Mongol Empire more aggressive, attacking several times a year. Its armies are tougher, too, and weaker AI realms are much more likely to be scared into submission, agreeing to subjugation. 

Win eternal glory with these CK3 guides

Crusader Kings 3 console commands

(Image credit: Paradox Interactive)

CK3 guide (opens in new tab): Beginner tips to get you started
CK3 console commands (opens in new tab): All the cheats you need
CK3 Intrigue (opens in new tab): Become a master of the dark arts
CK3 religion (opens in new tab): Control your population through faith
CK3 war (opens in new tab): Vanquish your enemies
CK3 mods (opens in new tab): From tweaks to total conversions

If you find yourself needing more tools to help you untangle succession and inheritance crises, 1.1 has also beefed up your ability to ask someone to take vows. This makes them join the clergy, if they agree, and now you can ask people who stand to inherit titles. Because going off to the church means they give up claims, you can use it to disinherit children to make sure the best kid gets the top job. And in some cases, they'll have traits that make them keen to start an ecclesiastical life.

Other notable changes mean forming the Holy Roman Empire a simpler job and more rewarding, breaking the domain limit can lead to all your buildings being deactivated, wounded knights are less likely to die in battle, the inbred trait is less likely to be inherited but reduces fertility more, and the AI is a lot more likely to demand its vassals convert to its faith.

Right, time for some big numbers. 40 million kids have been born since CK3 launched, but the population has been pruned by the 18 million successful murder schemes. There's no word on how many characters have died in battle, but it's probably quite large. There have been 1.5 million holy wars alone.

CK3 lets you eat people, so naturally players have jumped into cannibalism with gusto, devouring 1.5 million prisoners, including the Pope. A mere 122,364 prisoners have escaped the dungeon and the dinner table.

The most important stat, of course, is number of times pets have been petted. People have spent quality time with their pets 370,305 times. I'm surprised it's not higher, but CK3 makes you wait years between petting sessions. It's pretty strict. Infinite petting is high on the list of my desired tweaks. 

Fraser Brown
Fraser Brown

Fraser is the UK online editor and has actually met The Internet in person. With over a decade of experience, he's been around the block a few times, serving as a freelancer, news editor and prolific reviewer. Strategy games have been a 30-year-long obsession, from tiny RTSs to sprawling political sims, and he never turns down the chance to rave about Total War or Crusader Kings. He's also been known to set up shop in the latest MMO and likes to wind down with an endlessly deep, systemic RPG. These days, when he's not editing, he can usually be found writing features that are 1,000 words too long or talking about his dog.