Want to know where the best place in the UK is for a high bandwidth, low latency internet connection? Would you actually move there in order to improve your ping if you did? You loons.
Still, knowing who can get what is a useful tool for promoting competition and getting better service across the country. At least, that's what telecoms regulator Ofcom thinks. It's produced this interactive map which reveals the availability of broadband services in the UK. It's broken down quite usefully by available speeds and average modem connection, and while there's no drilling down into things like latency and jitter, it's useful all the same.
It's depressing reading for me. My neighbours' in Brighton are clearly in the 'superfast' zone, while my office is just outside. The best place to be - by the looks of it - is Northern Ireland, where 'superfast' coverage is widespread. In terms of overall performance, London, Manchester and Bristol come top, along with - rather more surprisingly - Grimsby. According to the visual map anyway.
Closer inspection of the raw data reveals to be nearby Blackpool that actually brings the stats up. Here's the top ten places to be sorted by average sync speeds:
West Dunbartonshire: 9.5Mbps
Brighton & Hove: 9.3Mbps
The worst places to be for average connection speeds, meanwhile, are Fermanagh, Cookstown and the Isles of Scilly. So if you live there and are always ranking bottom in COD games, now you know why.
I'm off to phone an estate agent about moving 300 yards east. The fun map to play with can be found here .