Skip to main content
PC Gamer PC Gamer THE GLOBAL AUTHORITY ON PC GAMES
Sign in
  • View Profile
  • Sign out
flag of UK
UK
flag of US
US
flag of Canada
Canada
flag of Australia
Australia
  • Games
  • Hardware
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Guides
  • Video
  • Forum
  • More
    • PC Gaming Show
    • Software
    • Movies & TV
    • Coupons
    • Magazine
    • Newsletter
    • Community guidelines
    • Affiliate links
    • Meet the team
    • About PC Gamer
PC Gamer Magazine Subscription
PC Gamer Magazine Subscription
Why subscribe?
  • Subscribe to the world's #1 PC gaming mag
  • Try a single issue or save on a subscription
  • Issues delivered straight to your door or device
From$32.49
View
Popular
  • GTA 6
  • Doom: The Dark Ages
  • Oblivion Remastered
  • Baldur's Gate 3
  • Schedule 1

Recommended reading

While Waiting
Games While Waiting is a game all about chugging through life's most mundane tasks with a heaping side order of whimsy
Burden of Command, WW2 strategy visual novel
Strategy Burden of Command is the World War 2 visual novel I didn't know I needed
New RPG Clair Obscur: Expedition 33's team of protagonists, including Gustave, Lune, and Maelle
RPG I never actually looked up what Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is about, and there's some bonkers RPG lore behind the title
A space battle between two ships
Action Sea of Thieves in space? Not quite, but Jump Ship replicates a lot of the things that make Rare's pirate sandbox so fun
A chaotic Google Doc with a terrifying minion.
Streaming I can't even handle one person in my Google Doc, yet this YouTuber invited over 800,000 people to vandalise his homework all at the same time
Aperture Desk Job
Games Nintendo should have cribbed from Valve on how to make a good handheld tech demo
Bad Thief maps
Action I played the 21 worst Thief missions in existence and had a far better time than I expected
  1. Games
  2. Adventure

A needless walkthrough of Coast Guard's least thrilling mission

Features
By Christopher Livingston published 4 November 2015

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

The Great Sea Detective

The Great Sea Detective

Coast Guard is a weird game. Part of it is what you'd expect: steering ships awkwardly around an unconvincing ocean, pulling people out of the water, and helping ships in distress. Mostly, though, you walk around in first-person collecting items (adventure game style), solving murder mysteries, and dealing with sneering villains, amnesia subplots, and voice acting and animation that are best described as 'probably not meant to be as hilarious as they are.'

An hour in, however, I stumbled onto a mission that stood out among the memory-loss drama and murder mystery flashbacks and abduction subplots. I decided to create a walkthrough of it for you.

Here's how to beat Coast Guard's best quest. Warning: MASSIVE, MASSIVE SPOILERS for a mission in which you, well, you verify a commercial fishing licence. You've been warned.

Page 1 of 14
Page 1 of 14
Part 1: The Setup

Part 1: The Setup

A commercial trawler has begun taking on water near an offshore oil rig. Point your giant, slow-ass Coast Guard ship at it, and spend an eternity slowly driving toward it. And don't worry: if helping a ship pump out water sounds boring to you, this is just the beginning.

Page 2 of 14
Page 2 of 14
Part 2: It's Draining Men

Part 2: It's Draining Men

Once arrived, hand the pump to the captain by driving your boat directly into his. The captain is grateful you've saved his life ("Super," he says), and tells you his men will begin draining. While you're waiting for his men to drain, just sit there in your boat, relaxing, for ages. There are some sky fish (birds, to a layman) flapping around, but they don't have anything to do with the mission. Or do they?

No, they don't.

Page 3 of 14
Page 3 of 14
Part 3: Unanswered Questions

Part 3: Unanswered Questions

But wait! Since you've got hours of sitting here to look forward to, the wheels in your head begin to turn. Or, since this is a boat game, the sails in your head begin to flap. Is the captain of this ship aware he's fishing in the exclusive economic zone? As every boatman worth his keelhaul knows, only the bordering state is allowed to do that. Finally, it's time to do some Guarding of the Coast.

Start interrogating the captain. And be ready... for anything.

Page 4 of 14
Page 4 of 14
Part 4: Prompt And Complete Answers To Those Questions

Part 4: Prompt And Complete Answers To Those Questions

The captain will tell you he's sailing under the flag of the bordering state and that his ship is registered with them. Don't just take his word for it, sailor! Ask him what fish his license is for, and ask for his IMO number and his registration code. Make a note of his answers, because this mission is about to go off the rails.

Wait, it's a boat game. This mission is about to off the... sails.

Page 5 of 14
Page 5 of 14
Part 5: The Colman Paradox

Part 5: The Colman Paradox

Turn to your associate, Colman. He's the guy standing right behind you with dead eyes. He's going to check all this information is accurate, so you need to tell him exactly what the captain just told you, even though Colman was standing right there the whole time. Do you remember the registration number? Was it TKKB? Or was it something else?

It was TKKB.

Page 6 of 14
Page 6 of 14
Part 6: Fatima's Keen Eye

Part 6: Fatima's Keen Eye

Now that Colman is working his magic, it's time to visit an expert in fishing licenses: your engineer, Fatima. She's sitting in the ship's basement (also known as the under-part), drinking coffee and contemplating a piece of bread. Tell her the captain said he was fishing for alfonsino. Fatima, as usual, doesn't miss a trick. You need a special license to fish for that fish, she informs you. Holy shit. She's right. Fatima has done it again.

Head back up to the 'boat roof' to question the captain... if he's even a real captain.

Page 7 of 14
Page 7 of 14
Part 7: A New Mystery

Part 7: A New Mystery

On your trip back up the ship-stairs to the 'top boat part', another mystery presents itself. No! Resist! No side-quests, no distractions. You need to confront "the captain" about the fish he is fishing, and whether or not he can fish it without breaking sea-law.

This mystery... will have to wait.

Page 8 of 14
Page 8 of 14
Part 8: Electronic Promises

Part 8: Electronic Promises

It looks like the boat-shoe is on the other foot as you question the captain about that specific license he needs to do the sea-thing he is doing. He's not sure he can find the license, and asks if he can 'e-mail' it to you. E-mail? I'm an expert in boating, not computers, but it looks to me like you've caught him in a lie! Let's sit back and see how he 'flounders.'

Page 9 of 14
Page 9 of 14
Part 9: The Colman Paradox, Part 2

Part 9: The Colman Paradox, Part 2

So, yeah, he immediately emails you the license. Colman, helpful as always, prints it out on your ship's printer, and places it on your desk (called a dinghy), even though—again—Colman is standing six inches (half a league, in ocean terms) behind you. He's also applied orange eyeliner for reasons known only to him. That Colman! He's an odd duck, though I don't know what I'd do without him.

Collect the email and head 'under decks' to see what Fatima makes of all this.

Page 10 of 14
Page 10 of 14
Part 10: The Fatima Checkmate

Part 10: The Fatima Checkmate

Fatima, once again, comes through in the clutch. Drag the license from your backpack onto her face, and she'll verify the license is legit and the captain can hunt those fish he likes so damn much. Colman has been busy as well: he radios down that all of the information you gave him earlier is completely on the level:

Coast Guard

Part 10, Part 2: The Colman Paradox, Part 3

This crew, right? This. Damn. Crew. The mission is a true team effort. There's no time to celebrate, though! Time to head 'top-ways' one final time to tell the captain he wasn't lying to us.

Page 11 of 14
Page 11 of 14
Part 11: The Ugly Truth Is Finally Revealed

Part 11: The Ugly Truth Is Finally Revealed

The captain is relieved to find out he hadn't fabricated his entire story. And well he should be! Lying about fish and not sending emails you promised to send is a major boat crime, and the punishment is to die by harpoons. That probably sounds harsh to you land-livers, but out on the high seas we're not so forgiving. Fact: The Coast Guard executes over thirty thousand people per year.

Page 12 of 14
Page 12 of 14
Part 12: It's Not Over Until It's Over, And It's Over Now

Part 12: It's Not Over Until It's Over, And It's Over Now

Just when you think this mission has ended—the one where you checked a boat license and found that it was a real one—comes a twist. Well, not a twist, really. The captain complains that fishermen are subjected to scruitiny while the oil industry never is. Does anyone ever ask the oil rigs to send an email? The captain sure doesn't seem to think so.

Page 13 of 14
Page 13 of 14
Part 13: Seriously, It Was Over At Part 12

Part 13: Seriously, It Was Over At Part 12

Checking out the oil rig reveals that there's been a murder, and there's interrogations and rescues and all sorts of drama that I'm sure you don't want to read about.

Coast Guard, which is sort of funny but not very good, is available on Steam.

Page 14 of 14
Page 14 of 14
TOPICS
Best of
Christopher Livingston
Christopher Livingston
Social Links Navigation
Senior Editor

Chris started playing PC games in the 1980s, started writing about them in the early 2000s, and (finally) started getting paid to write about them in the late 2000s. Following a few years as a regular freelancer, PC Gamer hired him in 2014, probably so he'd stop emailing them asking for more work. Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring storylines in RPGs so he can make up his own.

Read more
While Waiting
While Waiting is a game all about chugging through life's most mundane tasks with a heaping side order of whimsy
Burden of Command, WW2 strategy visual novel
Burden of Command is the World War 2 visual novel I didn't know I needed
New RPG Clair Obscur: Expedition 33's team of protagonists, including Gustave, Lune, and Maelle
I never actually looked up what Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is about, and there's some bonkers RPG lore behind the title
A space battle between two ships
Sea of Thieves in space? Not quite, but Jump Ship replicates a lot of the things that make Rare's pirate sandbox so fun
A chaotic Google Doc with a terrifying minion.
I can't even handle one person in my Google Doc, yet this YouTuber invited over 800,000 people to vandalise his homework all at the same time
Aperture Desk Job
Nintendo should have cribbed from Valve on how to make a good handheld tech demo
Latest in Adventure
Infinity Nikki from a distance in a white outfit
Infinity Nikki devs have published a notice regarding the abysmal 1.5 update: "To all stylists, we offer our deepest apologies"
Mario from Super Mario 64 gets a star, flashing the peace sign.
Turns out, Super Mario 64 can trap you in a menu for 2.25 years—as long as you wait that long beforehand: 'This is a fair punishment'
Black Mirror: Bandersnatch
Black Mirror's interactive episode Bandersnatch is being removed from Netflix, as 'the technology has served its purpose'
Box art for the Gex Trilogy Tail Time Edition, illustrated by Yoshitaka Amano.
Sure, man: The $200 deluxe edition of the Gex Trilogy remaster includes a 3-foot inflatable Gex and box art from legendary illustrator Yoshitaka Amano
Outer Wilds
Outer Wilds studio finally confirms it's working on a new game but says it will be 'years' before it's ready to share details
To a T screenshot
'It is very touching and very stupid': Katamari Damacy creator can't wait for us to experience the final scene of his new game
Latest in Features
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt thumbnails
Why we're still playing The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt 10 years later
US President Donald Trump holds a chart as he delivers remarks on reciprocal tariffs during an event in the Rose Garden entitled "Make America Wealthy Again" at the White House in Washington, DC, on April 2, 2025.
Here's how US tariffs have affected PC gaming hardware, from paused shipments to new investments
An image from Kulebra and the Souls of Limbo showing the protagonist in conversation with a well-dressed bird
Five new Steam games you probably missed (May 19, 2025)
A woman from No Rest For the Wicked holding a sword at shoulder height
You cannot beat the final boss of No Rest for the Wicked's latest saga
A woman wields a poorly photoshopped board showing Trump's reciprocal tariffs in art for Victoria 3.
I did Liberation Day tariffs in Victoria 3, and it all went well until the famine in Colorado, the 2 lost wars with Canada, and the president beating a man to death with a stick
GTA would have been considered a roguelike
If the original Grand Theft Auto came out today, we’d call it a roguelike
  1. Annapro carrying case, GameSir Nova Lite controller, SteelSeries Arctis GameBuds, and Asus ROG Falchion RX Low Profile keyboard on a blue background with PC Gamer Recommended logo
    1
    Best Steam Deck accessories in Australia for 2025: Our favorite docks, powerbanks and gamepads
  2. 2
    Best graphics card for laptops in 2025: the mobile GPUs I'd want in my next gaming laptop
  3. 3
    Best mini PCs in 2025: The compact computers I love the most
  4. 4
    Best 14-inch gaming laptop in 2025: The top compact gaming laptops I've held in these hands
  5. 5
    Best Mini-ITX motherboards in 2025: My pick from all the mini mobo marvels I've tested
  1. The Soundcore Liberty 5 earbuds outside in the sunlight and held by our reviewer, Katie Wickens.
    1
    Soundcore Liberty 5 earbuds review
  2. 2
    Keychron M5 review
  3. 3
    MSI Raider 18 HX AI A2XW gaming laptop review
  4. 4
    Labyrinth of the Demon King review: A murky and disturbing traipse through a vanquished feudal Japan
  5. 5
    WD Black SN8100 2 TB NVMe SSD review

PC Gamer is part of Future US Inc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site.

  • About Us
  • Contact Future's experts
  • Terms and conditions
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies policy
  • Advertise with us
  • Accessibility Statement
  • Careers

© Future US, Inc. Full 7th Floor, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036.

Please login or signup to comment

Please wait...