The biggest disaster of Emergency 2016 is me
Urgent, urgent, emergency!
Emergency 2016 provides a number of dire situations for the citizens of Berlin. Fires, crimes, missing persons, medical emergencies, and often all of them at the same time. Given that you have to dispatch various emergency vehicles, manually instruct your first responders to get out, and tell them each exactly what to do, it can get a little hectic.
When you're done with an emergency, you also have to tell each of your little heroes to get back in their vehicles and leave the scene. That's where the trouble started for me. Here's why an entire building exploding was only the second biggest disaster to happen when I played.
Trees on fire!
Emergency! Two trees have caught fire! I dispatch a single truck, instruct the firefighters to climb out, tell two of them to use hoses, and douse the blaze. My third fireman is a little left out, and there's a chainsaw button, and when there's a chainsaw button how do you not press that button? I have him cut the burned trees down with his tiny chainsaw. Great job, everyone!
Guy is hurt!
Emergency! A construction worker has been bonked on the head by a digger, despite being the only one actually working at the construction site. Or, maybe the rest of the workers suddenly realized it was a good time for a union-mandated meal break. Either way, I dispatch an emergency doctor to the scene.
A building explodes!
Emergency! A massive explosion has rocked a building before the medic could arrive to help the construction worker. This definitely looks like a real emergency! I send two trucks and get some hoses going. Nearby trees, cars, and other buildings catch fire. I'm gonna need more help.
The building is still exploding!
That's more like it! I've got a bunch of trucks and several helicopters, including a SWAT helicopter. Why? Because this game has a helicopter button, and if a game has a helicopter button you have to press it a bunch of times. Some of the fire is going out but I can't seem to reach the space between the two buildings. It's also hard to keep track of all my firemen. Some haven't been given orders and are just standing around.
Guy is still hurt!
Emergency! I've completely forgotten about the construction worker. The medic arrived and just sat in his car, because you have to tell everyone in the game to get out of the vehicles and do their jobs. I give the worker first-aid, then I completely forget to send an ambulance to come get him. Finally, I remember, and when it arrives I tell the medics to actually scrape him off the ground. They do.
The Black Death is ravaging the population!
Emergency! Part of the game takes place in the year 1349 when the plague was killing everyone, and there's a mission to make monks go door to door handing out herbs. I've tried to pass this mission five times and have never done it. The monks are just too damn slow. They could really use one of my SWAT helicopters.
Note: I was really confused when a game called Emergency 2016 started in 1349.
The fire is out, but there are problems!
Emergency! Now that the fire is out, I'm trying to get each individual fireman (there are like thirty of them) into their trucks. It's a pain, so I just send the trucks back to HQ, figuring the firemen will automatically get in or despawn or something. They don't. They stay there. Also, the tow trucks seem unable to tow away two of the six burned cars no matter how much I click on them. And I click on them a lot.
An assault and a robbery!
Emergency! A guy attacked and robbed someone, and I send the police after him. I stop the perp, injuring him in the process, so I dispatch the doctor again, who is still hanging around the construction site because he needs to be told to get back in his doctormobile because despite being a doctor he is helpless to make even the smallest decision on his own.
Guys? The fire is out. Seriously.
Uh, emergency? I dispatch a fire truck back to the non-burning building, where I'm hoping I can manually load my collection of firemen into it by clicking them and then clicking the fire truck. They won't get in. A few of them helpfully spray the firetruck with their hoses, though. Thanks. You're doing a great job.
This is getting embarrassing.
Okay. It's, like, the middle of the night now. I've brought more trucks back to collect the firemen from the exploded building but some of the new firemen got out because I guess I told them to, and this problem is just getting worse and worse with fireman and trucks everywhere because I don't know how to make the firemen go home. Just go home!
I forgot about the perp!
Emergency! The crook I injured is still lying in the street, because while I did call him a doctor I forgot to call him an ambulance like I always do. When it arrives, the EMTs have to go a long way to get him because of all the cars I've parked around him. I am pretty much the worst at emergencies.
I also forgot about the perp's victim!
This was the man who was injured when the crook robbed him. I have completely neglected to help him, too, because I was busy yelling at tiny fireman to go home. I eventually help this guy, and by morning he's being driven to the hospital. Same-day emergency service!
It's day two!
Emergency! It's dawn! A whole new day to mess up emergencies! A missing person has been reported, and I dispatch a police dog, who finds the person lying in the grass about five feet from where he was last seen. Probably someone should have looked a little harder before calling the police dog hotline. This is a frivolous use of a police dog.
Note: When the ambulance (I remembered to send one) arrives it hits the dog (!!!) but the dog is fine.
Another building explodes!
Sort of the same thing as last time. I do manage to put the fire out more quickly, and I even manage to get fireman back into their trucks with a lot of clicking, although one takes a little extra work because the truck has actually parked inside the building because it clipped through the walls. I get it sorted out.
Why yes, I am still dealing with the original firemen. And the tow truck issue. In fact, they've merged. The tow truck can't remove a car because the fire truck that the fireman won't get into is blocking that car. I click and click and click and no one will do what I want them to do. Also, some combination of my frustrated clicking means the fireman is now spraying the tow truck with foam.
Great job all around, everyone. I quit.