Sims players share their darkest confessions


At this point in what passes for my career I’m barely sure of what passes for NSFW, but I’m fairly certain some of this stuff qualifies. With that half-hearted warning out of the way, allow me to direct you to this thread currently tearing up r/askreddit, in which the question is posed: “What is the worst thing you've ever done in The Sims series?” The answer, it transpires, are some very bad things indeed.

As expected, much of it involves impromptu swimming pool drownings and entirely inappropriate and in many countries illegal woohoo-ing, but it’s the creative stuff that amazes/terrifies most. I’m not sure anything can top the story of the ‘Painter Goblin’ reposted by BillGoats, but there are three of my favourites below. Let us know your secret Sims shame in the comments afterwards.

“In Makin' Magic I had a brilliant dog called AJ who was loved by the whole family. He never had an off day and brought sheer joy to his owners. Decided to train my wizardry and get the spell that allowed you to turn pets into humans, so AJ could be even more a part of the family. He turned out to be the biggest fucking assbag as a person and was abusive to his family, so we had to take care of him. I built a monolithic tomb, and trapped him inside. The family stood out front playing music to him as he slowly starved. They bought a new dog and played with it happily outside his eternal resting place to torture his trapped soul. Eventually a dragon burnt down the house and killed them all. What a game.” - funmenjorities

“I built an orphanage with seven kids run by one little old lady. She loved those kids and treated them well, and they loved her in turn. Then one day, one of the kids decided to play with their rockets, which set some flowers and then the house on fire. She tried to save them, but succumbed to the flames. One or two of the kids managed to survive, but they never were as happy as before.” - bookthief8

“I wanted to make a church with a full, complete graveyard. So I built a small, simple structure moved in a family of 8, get them all inside, remove the door, fill with fire. Yay, 8 new tombstones! Repeat like 9 times, and you've got a full graveyard of tombstones. Then I built the church and moved in a priest to live there and tend to the grounds. Unfortunately for the priest the grounds had been tainted by the dark rituals of the past and several dozen ghosts would materialize every night. Tormented by the crowds of specters, he himself died three days later due to never being able to sleep.” – BrianWantsTruth

Tim Clark

With over two decades covering videogames, Tim has been there from the beginning. In his case, that meant playing Elite in 'co-op' on a BBC Micro (one player uses the movement keys, the other shoots) until his parents finally caved and bought an Amstrad CPC 6128. These days, when not steering the good ship PC Gamer, Tim spends his time complaining that all Priest mains in Hearthstone are degenerates and raiding in Destiny 2. He's almost certainly doing one of these right now.