Valheim's world is massive, spanning oceans and swamps and mountains, every biome overrun with deadly creatures. It doesn't take long to run into trolls as tall as houses, legions of draugr, or swarms of friggin' deathsquitos. You can even go to bat with demigods, like a lightning-powered elk or a stinking pile of sentient bones.
But of all of Valheim's deadly creatures, the trees are still the deadliest. Why? Because the trees chop you down.
Like most survival games, you need to cut down trees to make basic structures and items. But Valheim's trees don't fall peacefully. They fall like a couple thousand pounds of hard birch or oak actually would. Valheim's trees are heavy, chaotic vectors of destruction. With enough weight and momentum they can take down other trees with them, causing a messy domino effect of logs and particles and screenshake that obliterate anything in their path. It almost feels like the trees are coming for you, the way they regularly hijack physics and whirl back around to pancake your ass.
I love Valheim's mean trees, transforming such a rote survival game task into a dramatic loggers' dance. So let's take to the internet and have a look at some of the wildest tree deaths Valheim's cruel forests have churned out so far.
If you're gonna hack down a tree, don't be surprised if it uses hacks to get revenge.
I'm beginning to think MacBeth was onto something.
Avalanche? Get it? Anyway, if a troll whiffs it's not an excuse to relax. They might just send a couple massive logs rolling down hill in your direction, in which case you'd better hope that Run stat is juiced. (Clip via @toomian)
If you can't beat 'em, use them as a hammer for justice
There's no getting around it. You're gonna get smushed—possibly smished as well—by some trees in Valheim. So why not take advantage and settle your arguments with 'em? Next time someone nicks your troll cape from storage, take them to trial with a game of Tree Chicken. Let us explain.
This one pops off closer to the end. It's the universal experience for new Valheim players. The first time a tree doesn't fall down neatly or instantly transform into a cute little icon to be abstracted away, players get curious. Then hell breaks loose and you either get turned two-dimensional by a falling trunk or, like this guy, barely escape to tell the tale.
Tree goes bonk from r/valheim
Trees can be used as a defensive tool as well. Watch this poor creature taking one right on the head. Unfortunately, whenever I try to get a tree to fall on Andy Chalk, he skitters out of the way and they come back in my direction. Someday.