Fed up of your PS4 pals sharing selfies of Spider-Man? Me too. Console exclusives are rubbish. What isn't rubbish, though, is GTA Online's latest Adversary Mode—Trading Places (Remix). You're in for a treat if soaring high above a vast open space before striking down on some baddies below is your cup of tea.
It just so happens I'm terrible at it. But we'll get to that down the page.
For those unaware, GTA Online introduced its original Trading Places in 2016 as part of its Further Adventures in Finance and Felony update. It works like this: players are split into two teams of Winners and Losers. If a player kills an opposing team member, they switch sides. When on the Winners' side, an energy bar fills. When on the Losers', it diminishes. The players with the most energy after 15 minutes win.
Trading Places (Remix) plays by the same rules, but throws Juggernauts and super-powered Beasts (GTA Online's Letterman jacket-wearing Teen Wolf-a-likes) into the mix. The former team comes equipped with Miniguns, togglable night vision and heavy armour as standard, while the latter boasts a speed boost, super jumps and temporary invisibility.
As pulled from the Rockstar Newswire, all of that's supposed to work out like this:
I start off my first round of Trading Places (Remix) in the side of the Juggernaut Winners. This is not a side I get a chance to become familiar with. After a few kills, I'm downed by a stealth jumper. And so begins my losing streak.
Before I consider taking on the rail gun-toting Winners, I head for cover. I perform a few practice sprints and super jumps, which feels wonderful. I leap from platform to platform, nailing each vault with aplomb. I wander across an aerial catwalk and spring onto a glowing Sprunk advertising board. "I'm really good at this," I utter aloud. Pride comes before a fall, and all that.
Right, Winners, come ahead. I leap from behind a barrier, but immediately fall short. On foot, I make it less than halfway behind enemy lines before I'm felled by a volley of bullets.
My mini map shows me the Winners have organised themselves in a semi-circle formation with their backs to the far wall. Shit! Those bastards have worked out a strategy. It occurs to me I might have wasted too much time filling myself with false confidence beforehand. But there's no time to think overthink it.
I throw myself back into action.
I've got you now. (I don't got them now.)
It's at this point I realise I should probably heed my teammates' advice. "WE NEED TO ATTACK TOGETHER FFS!" says one particularly incensed pal via the chat log. "STOP F****** DYING" cries another.
If only it were that simple. I mean, this isn't planned. I'm trying my best. And this team of rival Winners is a skilled, refined, powerhouse unit right? It's not because no matter how often I try, I cannot master the timing of super jumps, is it? It's not me. Right?
And then, through some beautiful fluke, I nail a member of the opposition in the final 30 seconds of the round. I'm the match winner, the king of the castle, the champion of the world.
Just kidding. I'm fucking hopeless.
Yup, that seems about right.
Despite my awful technique and record, GTA Online's Trading Places (Remix) is a right good laugh. I clearly can't vouch for how fun or frustrating defending your lead as a Minigun-wielding Winner is, but there's something wonderful about hurling yourself into the air as you line up a strike from above on the Loser side—no matter how many times you die.
With double RP and GTA$ from now through September 17, you're also sure to find a full lobby of players for the next wee while, and I recommend it. I've no time for selfies, though. I'm too busy scraping my Teen Wolf mask off the floor of the Juggernauts' end zone.