This is a computer. Anyway, you know what the craziest thing I’ve ever seen is? I saw a small herd of cows tumble down a hill. They fell for like, 50 yards or something. If you ever saw a cow roll down a hill like that, you’d know that they gather quite a bit of momentum on the way, gaining some major speed, spinning like a lop-sided bovine pinwheel until their colors blend and become some undiscovered shade of brown or grey.
First it was one cow, but the herd followed suit even though they could hear the dopplered moos of their family warbling away into a distant mumble. One after the other, down the hill, calm—confident almost. And every single cow, after their big tumble, got up and continued walking.
I do this to myself every week writing this column. The hills keep getting steeper, the custom computers losing purpose in favor of defying expectation with no end in sight. I don’t know if I’ll make it after tumbling down this hill. I survived a PC shaped like . A PC couldn’t stop me. Not even at once could shake me. But from Japan-based modder Von Carlo Rasonabe will kill me. It has killed me. I am dead.
But with my final moments, I might as well list off some of the cool features of this custom PC, this beautiful computer built to kill me. Between all the guns on guns on guns, a custom liquid cooling loop threads and weaves around like an intricate spider web, also built to trap me and kill me. My favorite touch is that the wheels are just fans, which is a fun illusion. But it’s not an illusion for me. It’s coming this way, and my body will pass under those cute fan wheels. The last thing I hear will be Windows booting. First though, here’s what this boss hog is packing beneath the hood!
Mobo: ROG Maximus IX Code
CPU: Intel Core i7-7700K
GPU: ROG Strix GeForce GTX 1070
RAM: V-Color ?? GB (x4)
SSD: V-Color 240 GB
PSU: Thermaltake Toughpower Grand RGB 850W