Baldur's Gate 3 received its fourth patch earlier this week, and while it's added some very important features like AMD's FSR 2.2, the ability to wash your companions with soap, and letting you erect a naked statue of yourself, it may have also done some damage to your character's love life.
For starters, the Sex% speedrun is dead and buried—may it rest in peace—but the more astonishing, entirely accidental quirk? Astarion's kissing sequence, for a lot of players romancing the silver-haired stallion, is uh—it's a little broken. See for yourself.
It's an unfortunate bug, causing Astarion to scrunch up his face like the prospect of kissing you is utterly repulsive, with zero dialogue to accompany it save a subtitled, unspoken "If you must". The "Ah, Delicious!" seems almost cruel in that context, like he's trying not to upset you but doing a real bad job of lying.
This isn't the only outcoming plaguing Astarion's would-be lovers, though. The line you get (while your loverboy winces at you in dead silence) seems entirely randomised: here's a couple of other variations. My personal favourite is where the subtitles read: "Astarion: Not Found."
I think Astarion's new kiss is underwhelming. The "oh, my love" is new but bugged on mine so he didn't say it, just saw the captions. I think it's just a new angle. Note there are a few versions/dialogue with each partner.New Astarion kiss: https://t.co/NAmUcUrCii pic.twitter.com/rGf6s9drzNNovember 2, 2023
The only response that doesn't seem to be bugging out is this very in-character "How could I say no?" which, when playing as intended, is very sweet.
Astarion got an updated kiss animation 😭💕Unfortunately every single reaction he has to you asking for a kiss (including a new 'Oh, my love' line) seems to be completely broken - all except for his 'How could I say no?' response ajhgh I hope they fix it soon! pic.twitter.com/4HDvxkexbMNovember 2, 2023
On the other side of the coin, Karlach and Halsin have fully upgraded kissing animations. Everyone's favourite bear's new makeout sesh is nice and fierce, while Karlach's ends with this darling little forehead touch that's enough to make me melt. Hold on, I need to reboot my completed main save and relive the good old days.
HEY HEY LARIAN? Did you program a little WINK into this new updated, romanced-Halsin kiss cinematic animation??? cuz thank you, ITS SO DANG CUTE????(this was a surprise with the new patch) pic.twitter.com/mKTOpIWxPUNovember 2, 2023
guys karlach has an entirely new casual kissing animation im begging u please look at it its insane pic.twitter.com/I7oYqqgeLvNovember 2, 2023
I doubt Astarion's new rigidness is actually intended, and I wager a hotfix will arrive soon enough. Until then, anyone romancing the Sword Coast's premium babygirl will just have to endure the coin flip whenever they go in for a kiss, between "Aw, that's sweet" and "This guy looks like he's about to break up with me."