Skip to main content

Ubisoft's personalized stats videos are hilarious if you haven't spent much time playing Ubisoft games

You know how Facebook likes to put together a video montage of your photos from time to time? These videos can be severely underwhelming if you've only uploaded a few pictures over the years—like this one where a guy has the same picture of his crashed car highlighted over and over again in what was meant to be a heartwarming video about all the friends he's shared moments with.

Well, Ubisoft is trying to highlight the last five years of our gaming experiences by generating personalized videos using our own stats. If you visit the Ubisoft Connect Wrap-Up page, and login with your account, it'll generate a video with cinematic footage of the three games you've played most, superimposing your most impressive statistics.

The video turns out fine if you've played a fair amount of at least three games. I was treated to stats like my 3,709 Far Cry 5 kills (726 were headshots), no doubt because I reviewed that game and sunk tons of hours into it.

Slightly less impressive videos were generated for some of my coworkers, like Tyler, who, except for Rainbow Six Siege, has not put a heck of a lot of time into many Ubisoft games over the past five years. He didn't really click with The Division, as you can see above, though he did marginally better with Assassin's Creed Syndicate:

Wow, 1 HOURS! I can tell he really loved it.

I asked everyone else at PC Gamer to show me the highlights of their Ubisoft Connect Wrap-Up videos. Please enjoy and marvel at some several impressive stats from five years of Ubisoft gaming. Like Phil, who pleased the Grim Reaper by apparently causing one non-fatal car accident in Ghost Recon Wildlands:

If that's not impressive enough, Phil did even better by becoming a master hacker in Watch Dogs Legion:

(Image credit: Ubisoft)

Andy Chalk is no slouch either, clocking in with an impressive number of drone kills in... well, he's not even sure what game it was that he didn't kill anyone with drones. I guess the explosion shown was conducted at a safe distance from all human life.

(Image credit: Ubisoft)

Evan, meanwhile, certainly tore things up in Assassin's Creed Odyssey. A legend, indeed.

(Image credit: Ubisoft)

Back to goose eggs, though, as Andy Kelly's highlight reel shows that rogue agents have absolutely nothing to fear from him. Maybe he's on a pacifist run.

(Image credit: Ubisoft)

It's also worth noting that James' video shows his number one game as Trials Rising. James had this to say: "I have never played Trials Rising."

Well, an attempt was made. The videos conclude by showing you how many friends you made along the way. I somehow made 12 friends, and I can't name a single one of them. Good times, good feelings, and outstanding stats, everyone. Here's to 5 more years of zero drone kills.

Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring stories in RPGs so he can make up his own.