The new Dark Souls 3 speedrun world record makes you realize you will never 'git gud'

My first run of Dark Souls 3 took over 40 hours. Ashes of Ariandel took about four more and I completed The Ringed City in eight or so. Meanwhile, the current world record speedrun for Dark Souls 3, including all bosses and both the DLC expansions, is 1 hour 24 minutes and 19 seconds. 

I will never get good, it seems. 

Yesterday, speedrunner Distortion2 broke the world record for an All Bosses run by nearly two minutes, pushing Nemz38 into second place. If it wasn’t for a rough time with the Wyvern and Halflight bosses, he would’ve saved another minute or so. His attitude didn’t always reflect the final time though.

“This run is so fucked,” he notes, over halfway through the stream.

Whether you’ve finished Dark Souls 3 or don’t ever plan on playing it, the run is fascinating look at the elaborate smoke and mirrors of game design. Through such an intimate understanding of how a game behaves, via Distortion2 we get to see that while Dark Souls (and speedrun magic) still requires a refined skillset, a lot is still left up to luck and running around nearly-nude.  

James Davenport

James is stuck in an endless loop, playing the Dark Souls games on repeat until Elden Ring and Silksong set him free. He's a truffle pig for indie horror and weird FPS games too, seeking out games that actively hurt to play. Otherwise he's wandering Austin, identifying mushrooms and doodling grackles.