Bad news, everyone: warble-voiced rapper Post Malone has become as beautiful and terrible as the dawn, as treacherous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the Earth. He's become the sole owner of that one-of-a-kind Magic: The Gathering card based on Sauron's Ring from Lord of the Rings, in other words. All shall love him and despair.
The One Ring card is literally unique. There's only one such card in existence, making it potentially the most lust-worthy item out there for Magic fans like, well, Post Malone. Now, as spotted by VGC, Malone has bought the card from previous owner Brook Trafton, and the moment of his ascendancy was captured in a 13-second clip on TikTok, which you can see below.
"When I found the One Ring, the first person who came to mind was Post Malone," wrote Trafton in the caption to the video, accidentally assembling the funniest phrase to ever occur in the English language. "I have played MTG since I was a kid and it would be amazing to keep this card. But for a guy like me, being able to sell it is life changing".
Given that the One Ring card has been valued at around $2 million, Trafton isn't exaggerating. Although the actual sum Malone paid for the card hasn't been disclosed, it was probably a number that mortals like you and I would consider eye-watering.
Trafton says he "really hoped it would go to someone who would appreciate it" as much as he did, and reckons Malone fits the bill to a T. "This is my dream come true, meeting Post Malone and him buying the One Ring card from me is literally a moment straight out of a fairytale," he wrote, before going on to thank both Malone and Magic for changing his life. "Things like this don’t happen to people like me, I guess it’s magic. I am forever grateful".