Next Crusader Kings 3 patch means fewer jester hats, spectral children

A medieval noble wearing a silly hat with bells on it from the game Crusader Kings 3.
(Image credit: Paradox Interactive via bluewaff1e on Imgur)

Crusader Kings 3 has a small update coming this week, currently in open beta on Steam, and set to release on June 22nd barring any major bugs, that fixes some problems with the foremost medieval sim's big 1.4 patch. That patch released on June 8th, with some pretty good stuff going on like new haircuts and hats, as well as some game mechanics changes or whatever like dynamic garrisons.

About those hats, though: There was a Jester's Hat. Too many people were wearing that hat. I saw, like, a whole family wearing that hat at the same time the other day. The jester's hat has been nerfed: "Jester hat will be less fashionable after 1300 and thus, won’t used by the majority of the characters anymore."

Elaborate simulation games always get the best patch notes, and while Dwarf Fortress is an all-time champion the Crusader Kings games have, over the years, really given DF a run for its money. Crusader Kings 3 is no different.

Here are a couple others that I like:

  • Fixed the faith character list potentially overflowing and crashing the game due to dead people pretending to be alive
  • Characters with an opinion above 80 will properly leave factions
  • The Decision Develop Capital cannot be done by a child anymore
  • Dead children should not show up anymore during Meet Peers events

Damn ghost children, always trying to show up when I'm meeting my Peers. You can read the full 1.4.2 beta patch notes on the Crusader Kings 3 Forums.

For more funny patch notes, you should go check out the roundup from March's 1.3 patch, which is one of the best so far for hilariously-worded updates.

Contributor

Jon Bolding is a games writer and critic with an extensive background in strategy games. When he's not on his PC, he can be found playing every tabletop game under the sun.

Read more
Dry Devil holds a torch and grins.
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2's upcoming 1.2 update has a ridiculous 34 pages of patch notes
King wielding his axe against would-be assassins in Norland.
Medieval colony sim Norland is getting a 'damn big update' that completely overhauls the game's mechanics: 'We're rolling out some radical changes to the core gameplay'
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 image - Henry riding a pink and blue striped horse while holding a fish
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 now has Steam Workshop support, and of course one of the first mods lets you adjust the 'jiggle physics'
Henry gets a haircut.
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2's March patch brings zoomer haircuts for Henry and the return of the hardcore mode that can kill you before the game even starts
Kislev
Total War: Warhammer 3's next patch will overhaul its Kislev faction, which Creative Assembly has 'identified as the most in need of a deep review and rethink'
Mongolian throne room
Crusader Kings 3 saddles up for a long-awaited return to the east with its first Asian DLC, Khans of the Steppe
Latest in Strategy
Civilization 7 Great Britain - Modern Civ art (via YouTube)
As Civilization 7 struggles to keep up with Civ 5 player counts, a new patch is coming tomorrow with still more UI changes and gameplay tweaks
Battle Brothers
Nearly 2 years after its last update, the excellent Battle Brothers gets 'a bucket load of fixes' and free new content
King wielding his axe against would-be assassins in Norland.
Medieval colony sim Norland is getting a 'damn big update' that completely overhauls the game's mechanics: 'We're rolling out some radical changes to the core gameplay'
Age of Empires 2
Former Age of Empires 2 dev claims Microsoft demanded its first expansion should have a Korean faction, because 'StarCraft sold 3 million copies in Korea'
Endless Legend 2 Kin faction reveal
It's turtle time: Endless Legend 2's first faction is the fortification-loving Kin of Sheredyn
A massive beachhead assault in indie RTS Beyond All Reason
Over 110 players and 10,000 units clash as this free RTS celebrates its growing multiplayer scene with some of the biggest multiplayer battles ever fought
Latest in News
A True Kin knight stands in a ruin in Caves of Qud, flanked by bloodstained furniture and a freshly mortalized corpse.
Despite making a roguelike where you can have countless arms and legs, Caves of Qud's creators say the ideal form is a limbless sphere: 'We started in perfection and only moved farther from God'
Civilization 7 Great Britain - Modern Civ art (via YouTube)
As Civilization 7 struggles to keep up with Civ 5 player counts, a new patch is coming tomorrow with still more UI changes and gameplay tweaks
Metaphor: ReFantazio character art
Metaphor: ReFantazio battle director says turn-based RPGs can still be just as popular as action RPGs: 'I personally believe turn-based games have a long future ahead of them'
assassin's creed shadows review
Assassin's Creed Shadows streamer goes viral after confronting whining commenters: 'Normal people don't get upset about this sh***'
Assassin's Creed Shadows change seasons - An upper-body shot of Yasuke looking cheerfully up into the distance.
'This is just the beginning': Assassin's Creed Shadows dev team thanks fans for their support and promises more to come in the future
Geralt sitting on a wall wearing a Cyberpunk jacket modded by TheRealArdCarraigh
The Witcher 3 devs had to practically remake the game engine to make official modding possible