TF2's voice cast is terrorising America's small jazz bars to croon about sandwiches

Team Fortress 2 was released in 2007 and since then has had a unique afterlife. Partly that's down to the sheer quality of the game which, post-launch tweaks and additions aside, arrived perfectly formed, with an ageless aesthetic and an anarchically funny approach to world-building. Each of its nine characters is composed of their look, a handful of voice lines, and a 'Meet the Team' vignette. But from these elements, Valve's designers and the actors involved have crafted ornery archetypes that stood the test of time.

In recent years some of the TF2 voice cast has been meeting up to reprise their roles in various sketches and videos. But nothing will quite prepare you for this. At an event called Meet the Mercs held earlier this month, hosted at Boxley's Jazz Club, members of the TF2 voice cast premiered the newest addition to TF2 lore: a track called Sandvich Blues.

The song and its lyrics are composed by John Lowrie (the Sniper), who alongside Robin Atkin Downes (Medic) is on guitar and vocals. Also on vocals we have Gary Schwartz (Heavy, Demoman) and Dennis Bateman (Spy), while on piano is Ellen McLain (the Administrator). The song details, in Lowrie's words, "the TF2 Mercs' struggle to find the Sandvich for Heavy."

Yes this does all seem a bit like a fever dream. But it's real:

For those who haven't played TF2, the Sandvich is an iconic item that the Heavy can eat during a match to regain health. Ideally in full view of the enemy team. Selected lyrics:

Woke up this mornin', the Sandvich was gone.

Didn’t leave no note. Nothin' to go on.

Looked under the covers, under the sheet,

Now Heavy’s broken hearted, he’s got nothin' to eat!

We got the Sandvich Blues way down in our soul.

We got the Sandvich Blues way down in our soul.

This can’t be happnin', things are outta control.

Doc’s halucinatin', things are getting worse.

Spy is cogitatin', maybe it’s a curse!

Admin’s intimidatin', she’s nobody’s nurse!

If we don’t find the sandvich Heavy’s gonna need a hearse!

The Sandvich saga

The Sandvich Blues can be seen as something of a culmination for the rather bizarre journey these TF2 voice actors have been on in recent years, which began with joint convention appearances. They then started working with TF2 youtuber Shork, launching the "Where is sandvich?" saga, where the voice cast basically haunted America's small towns and delis in the search for the Sandvich. They even did an ABBA parody because why the hell not.

It all culminated in the TF2 voice cast playing TF2 for what was apparently the first time, the highlight of which was undoubtedly Sniper getting various things wrong while his wife Ellen McLain (the Administrator, and also GLaDOS) sat next to him chuckling and occasionally booming out "you've failed" in those immaculately clipped tones.

As far as I can tell, before this the TF2 community was largely amusing itself with a Sniper meme where the character becomes a Samsung fridge and various other objects (I have no idea). Even this lot have been stunned by the fact that, yes, the voice actors pay them more attention than Daddy Valve, and their gratitude is that of a child whose puppy has been returned.

"Protect them at all costs," says PLConqueror. "It brings a tear to my eyes," says Verch63, before Alphamoonman points out they're a Demoman main and should really say "Awe, it brings a tear to me naked eye." Dangerous_jacket_129 thinks "This is the most precious thing" while ChesseburgerMK8 gets straight to the economic implications: "this is fucking worth more than a gold pan." Perhaps 8Champi8 sums up the stunned gratitude of the true believers: "wholesome people."

Valve supported Team Fortress 2 for over a decade before essentially handing the game over to the community (and releasing tools to help). TF2 still gets updates, but it's all community content curated by Valve, and the developer has to be extra careful not to use the wrong words, or everyone gets way too excited and thinks Team Fortress 3 on Source 2 is releasing tomorrow. That is, at least, more sane than trying to "meme a character into existence."

The Sandvich, it is fair to say, fills a hole in the Heavy's soul. Without it he is not just hungry, but is not even any type of Heavy at all. Its absence brings longing, and a search for what is lost. So no wonder the song lands with TF2 players: they've had the Sandvich blues for years.