Baldur's Gate 3's narrator shares hilarious outtakes reel—'If you fancy Astarion, you might want to consider therapy'

Astarion deep in thought in Baldur's Gate 3.
(Image credit: Larian Studios)

Amelia Tyler—who you might also recognise as the voice of Malady from Divinity: Original Sin 2—has graced us with another batch of hilarious voice bloopers this week. She has the mammoth task of voicing the narrator of Baldur's Gate 3 which, considering how big the game's gonna be, seems like both a privilege and some form of divine punishment.

With all those hours plugged into the recording booth, things are bound to get a little weird, and Tyler's been gracious enough to share this fantastic recording for our collective enjoyment ahead of the game's release next month.

In case you're in a public space and without any headphones, I've selected some of my favourite quotes from Tyler's descent into voice acting hell:

  •  "You may know me from such things as: lying on the sofa eating cheese for several months."
  • "Terror fuck. That's my new death metal band."
  • "Larian. Can we have a word about line 19?"
  • "Gale's magic flute is ready to be played."
  • "Pornography's for closers."
  • "We will reward you with some ASMR, but you are fucked now."
  • "You can't go scrumping for cod, Josh. That's just weird! That's called fishing, and you do it in the sea!"
  • "I'm going to shoot a potato out of the sky, as nature intended."

I think perhaps my favourite of her rants, because it feels like a personal attack on me as a person, is the following public service announcement on everyone's favourite fop of a vampire Astarion—who we've rendered rather beautifully on one of our magazine covers recently.

"If you fancy Astarion, you might want to consider therapy. 'He's so damaged, I must have him!' Enjoy the fantasy, and then call a therapist. It's a two-step thing, and it's very important you do both."

Listen, Tyler, you might be completely correct in that my attraction to an utterly disastrous pretty-boy who wants to feast on my blood is unhealthy. Yes, he might look like he couldn't open a jar of pickles if his life depended on it, and admittedly, he does have the energy of a trash fire someone's put a nice suit on. But you don't understand—I can fix him.

Tyler also treated us to another bout of outtakes earlier this year, which I highly recommend. You can hear more of her work yourself—minus rants and breakdowns, probably—when Baldur's Gate 3 releases August 3.

Harvey Randall
Staff Writer

Harvey's history with games started when he first begged his parents for a World of Warcraft subscription aged 12, though he's since been cursed with Final Fantasy 14-brain and a huge crush on G'raha Tia. He made his start as a freelancer, writing for websites like Techradar, The Escapist, Dicebreaker, The Gamer, Into the Spine—and of course, PC Gamer. He'll sink his teeth into anything that looks interesting, though he has a soft spot for RPGs, soulslikes, roguelikes, deckbuilders, MMOs, and weird indie titles. He also plays a shelf load of TTRPGs in his offline time. Don't ask him what his favourite system is, he has too many.