For the past 16 weeks, I've been chronicling the rise and fall of tribes, kingdoms, and great heroes in historical strategy games. It all started in Civilization V with The Celtic Chronicle, and has made its way to the currently running Crusader Kings Chronicle. The feature is taking a week off, so between now and next Wednesday is the perfect time to go back and get caught up, or just reminisce about all of the epic moments of ages past. You'll find links to every entry ever, with clip show-esque highlights, below.
Civilization V: The Celtic Chronicle
I attempt to lead the new Celtic civilization in Civilization V: Gods and Kings to world dominance against all odds.
- In Part 1 , the Celtic tribes go to war with the French, besiege Paris, and found the greatest religion ever . Highlights include that awkward moment when everyone shows up to claim the same ruin and that time we marched a whole crapton of Picts out of the forest and the French were like, "Whaaaaaaa?"
- In Part 2 , we become a republic and begin spreading PC Elitism to the ancient world. Highlights include that time we thrashed the English in a major historical reversal , and these badasses . Highlights do not include this horrible political chart I made at the last second in about two-and-a-half minutes.
- In Part 3 , the Middle Ages go... slightly pear-shaped. Highlights include that time city guards completely cut off from reinforcements took out the entire German army , and that one battle that actually made me stand up from my computer and pump my fists in the air like a guy in a joint pain medication commercial .
Civilization V: The Swedish Saga
Taking what I learned about Gods and Kings from the Celtic Chronicle, I make a much longer go of things as the Swedes.
- In Part 1 , things are off to a great start. Highlights include Game of Thrones references and more Game of Thrones references .
- In Part 2 , we gallop right through the Middle Ages and the Renaissance. Highlights include that time we founded a religion based on awesomeness and even more Game of Thrones references .
- In Part 3 , some actually interesting battles finally happen. Highlights include that time we had guns and Denmark didn't and that time Denmark had guns finally, but we already had better guns .
- In Part 4 , Sweden and Denmark are united under the new, socialist government of the Norse Democratic Union. Highlights include that time Denmark had guns that were as good as our guns, but we won anyway and that moment when everyone finally realized how dangerous Greece was .
- In Part 5 , WORLD WAR! Highlights include PEW PEW PEW! and KABOOM!
- In Part 6 , it's a race to the finish line, where the finish line is outer space. Highlights include SCIENCE! and one last Game of Thrones reference .
The Crusader Kings Chronicle
After two epic games, I put down Civ V for Paradox's Crusader Kings II, where my quest is still ongoing to raise my noble house to glory in 11th Century Europe. Here's your chance to get caught up so you can jump in with next week's fresh entry!
- In the Prologue , I introduce the cast and explain how the game works. Yes, that requires a whole entry. Highlights include me misreading "Bishop of Killaloe" as "Bishop of Killahoe," and making a poor holy man seem way more gangsta than he actually is.
- In Part 1 , I unite the Duchy of Munster and start down the path to becoming High King of Ireland. Highlights include that time we won our first war and the moment when any semblance of following actual history flew out the window .
- In Part 2 , I take a head wound in battle and take over playing as my son. Highlights include that time I conquered more territory and that time I charged after a bunch of retreating barbarians even though they outnumbered me five to one .
- In Part 3 , there are a lot of rebellions. Highlights include that time I crushed all of those rebellions .
- In Part 4 , some serious epicness ensues. Highlights include that time I became a Crusader and that time I became a... well, I won't spoil it.
So there's your Saturday morning clip show for the week. More Crusader Kings goodness will arrive next Wednesday, so check back and witness glory!