Four Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood classes

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood is all the stabbing of the original games but with the additional stabbing of multiplayer. What kind of stabber will you be? Will you be sneaky and stealthy? Sultry and waving a pointless fan around? Angry priest with a knife? Massive guy with an axe? Why do only half of these sound like proper assassins? Have the official class card thingies below. I've also wrote them up into words, which you can read by pressing your eyes onto the screen.

Here's my rundown of the various classes.

The Doctor

• He's a bit behind on his hippocratic oath.
• He has a syringe. You don't want what's in the syringe.
• He dresses like a bird highwayman.
• Weakness: his balls.

The Priest

• This is a mad priest with a sword.
• Which means that he's some bald man who says latin things after he cuts you up.
• If, by freak chance, you get hit by lightning while running from him, he'll probably take the credit.
• Weakness: dress up like a schoolgirl and stab him while he's processing the strange feelings in his tummy.

The Courtesan

• Prostitute by night, assassin by... also night.
• She's got a fan! It's probably deadly! Or it does nothing.
• Agile, fast, nimble, dexterous, quick, speedy, and good at stabbing a lot of things in rapid succession.
• Weakness: Richard Gere.

The Executioner

• A big man covered in blood with a large axe.
• Also has a smaller backup axe.
• Doesn't mind stealth, as long as people have the decency to keep it at home.
• Weakness: Presumably he can be killed?