For a moment I thought Christmas wouldn't be full of spaceships, shooting and teleportation, and that would have been terrible. I mean, what else is there? Generosity, human interaction and gentle TV specials? Sounds awful. Luckily, a PC port of PS Vita shmup Velocity Ultra has been confirmed for a Steam release this holiday season. It's guaranteed to be more enjoyable than Brussels sprouts.
Stealth Bastard Deluxe is a world of frighteningly fast-paced, dancing-between-the-deadly-lasers fun, so you can't blame Curve Studios for wanting to get it out to as many people as they can. Yesterday marked its official release on Mac and Linux (or as I like to call it, the penguin OS). But if you're a regular ol' Windows gamer like me, you might wonder, "Huh. What do I get?" Don't worry, friend. No matter the platform, everybody can now get the pixelly stealth platformer on Steam for 50% off. No longer will we be divided by our choice of operating system. Discounts for everybody!
WANTED: Test Facility Administrator. Successful applicant will have enthusiasm, sarcasm, carefully honed sociopathy, and first-hand knowledge of how fast hamsters pop in the average microwave.
Where do puzzle games find these sadists? Portal, The Stanley Parable, 1213... it’s like there’s an agency somewhere specialising in evil narrator types who love nothing better than seeing their charges fail and mocking them for it. In this puzzle-platformer, that mocking comes from messages on walls – an “I’ll Be Amazed If You Do This” projected above a floating platform, with a sarcastic “You’re Making Me Look Bad” joining it when you fall into the spiky pit underneath.
You'll already have October 12th and 16th marked on this year's all-black stealth advent calender, but joining Dishonored and Mark of the Ninja is Curve Studios' excellent Stealth Bastard, which is scheduled to emerge on Steam sometime in November. Originally released as freeware, the sublimely titled Stealth Bastard: Tactical Espionage Arsehole is now getting a Deluxe edition, which will add extra gadgets and suits to the sidescrolling sneak-'em-up. These include a camo suit, two types of decoy, teleporters, and the exciting-sounding 'antilight'.
In a world where people try to charge more for virtual hats than real hats, Stealth Bastard is something of an anomaly. The best kind of anomaly, that is. It's a fully featured stealth platformer - self-described as being "like Metal Gear Solid and Super Meat Boy had a baby out of wedlock" - and it's completely free. Seriously! And if that's not enough (you greedy jerk), there's also a level editor, leaderboards, a rating system - everything, in other words, short of your wildest dreams and a pony. (Or two ponies if your wildest dream is a pony.) Marvel at the above trailer and then download it here.