A treasury of the least popular gaming petitions
Be the change you want to see in the games
Everyone's been disappointed in a game, developer, or publisher at one time or another, and sometimes the best way to make your voice heard is by joining in unison with other voices. Petitions have united the voices of hundreds of thousands of gamers... then again, it often hasn't. Fact is, some opinions just aren't that universal. For fun, we went hunting for the least popular gaming petitions, and this is what we found.
GFWL? GTFO
Hey, look! We found someone who liked Games for Windows Live! So much, in fact, he wants it added to GTA 5. On PC, the petitioner liked chatting with his chums who were using consoles, but even he admits it had problems. Unlike the destruction of Alderaan, however, only five voices cried out for more GFWL.
The third exclamation point convinced me
Despite there already being plenty of things to eat in Minecraft, and despite eating being kind of a nuisance in Minecraft, and despite pancakes having already been modded into Minecraft several years ago, this petition still calls for pancakes in Minecraft. Only sixteen people have signed on, but they all really want pancakes.
Books are dumb, play games
This petition directed at Nick from his friend George requests, nay, demands, that he stop reading stupid books and play Dota instead. There are zero signatures, however, suggesting either that the rest of the world thinks Nick could frankly stand to read a book or two, or more likely that Nick really sucks at Dota and his absence is no great loss.
Meanwhile, this other guy wants his friend to stop playing Dota. I think I've got a solution for both petitioners.
Update: We got an email from Nick. The book he was reading was Finnegans Wake by James Joyce, widely considered to be one of the most challenging works of fiction. Understandably, he has since resumed playing Dota.
Should Battlefront be ruined Y/N?
EA's official mission statement on Battlefront has been unwavering since day one: "We are going to ruin this game". They may change their tune, however, after seeing this petition on Gamer Congress insisting they not ruin it. Only 85 people support the non-ruination of Battlefront, and there is a single holdout who strongly disagrees and thinks EA should, in fact, stick to their guns and ruin it. Personally, we're undecided.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Howrse is a free browser-based game where you breed and manage horses. As online games often do, Howrse has changed over the years, and one Howrse lover is not happy about it. Not at all. This detailed and passionate petition, which includes a 19 verse poem and ends with 27 consecutive uses of the word PLEASE, is unfortunately is only backed by five supporters.
Sign my petition to stop petitions
We've heard of fighting fire with fire, but fighting petitions with petitions? That could only happen on a place as dumb as the internet. Six people agree that petitions to port Xbox exclusives to PC are stupid, and have signed a petition to stop those petitions. We expect this anti-petition petition to be met with a strongly worded counter-anti-petition petition.
Wait, what?
The logic here is that Ubisoft lost sales due to people canceling their preorders for Assassin's Creed Revelations because the game was cracked before it went on sale. The only solution: always-online DRM that checks every 20 minutes that you've bought the game legally and shuts the game off if it can't connect. Can't imagine that losing any sales. Only 30 people signed this petition but that's 30 too many.
To Lord Gaben, from Prince Platform
In 1968 a guy moved onto an offshore platform and declared himself "Prince of Sealand." While Sealand is not recognized by any other country as an official nation, the real issue is that it's not recognized by an online store that sells video games. 24 people have signed a petition for Valve to recognize Sealand. On the one hand, that's half the population of Sealand itself, on the other... what, you couldn't walk a few dozen meters to enlist the other 25?
I'd play it
Breaking Bad and Lego doesn't seem as natural a fit as, say, peanut butter and chocolate or a high school science teacher and a screaming drug dealer. On the other hand, with approximately 70,000 Lego game titles, it's easy to imagine them finally getting to meth-related content, and when they do it will make the one person who signed this petition very happy.
Stop Cheating John
Blake is unhappy with John cheating at Draw My Thing and feels if steps are not taken, John's cheating will spread to PC games like Minecraft and Call of Duty. Ten people agree.
As do we here at PC Gamer. Seriously, John. Stop cheating. Just stop.
Chris started playing PC games in the 1980s, started writing about them in the early 2000s, and (finally) started getting paid to write about them in the late 2000s. Following a few years as a regular freelancer, PC Gamer hired him in 2014, probably so he'd stop emailing them asking for more work. Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring storylines in RPGs so he can make up his own.