23 bugs about eyelids: office quotes from BioWare during Mass Effect's development

Tom Francis at

Bioware Office Quotes

Back in February, former BioWare writer Chris L'Etoile posted part of their office 'quotes file': a log of entertainingly out of context quotes from the developers as they worked on Mass Effect 1 and 2. I just stumbled on it over at the Broken Forum, and it's a funny and very human glimpse of life at a major game developer.

According to his page on the Mass Effect wiki, Chris wrote the dialogue for Ashley Williams, Thane, and Legion, amongst much else. He says he's left out anything non-development related or under NDA, and BioWare couldn't exactly fire him anyway: he's since left to work at Zenimax Online. That leaves 42 quotes - here are some of our favourites.

"Wow. There are 23 bugs about eyelids."
- Patrick

Preston: "Geopolitics wants us to change the name of the ship from 'Normandy.'"
Georg: "Why? Are they afraid Germans will be offended by the loss of France?"

"You don't need to call him a prick or a dick when you can call him an ass."
- Drew, on language standards

"It's like being hit by a truck. Well, a small truck. Driven by a circus clown."
- Preston, describing Telekinetic Throw

"How does any writing come out of this buffoon factory?"
- Preston

"Is your X-Box on fire? No? Build passed!"
- Mac

"You want a painting that says, "Wow! Look! It's SCIENCE!"
- Drew

Patrick: "I'll only be paying attention for the first 15 minutes. I'll spend the rest of the time playing rock, paper, scissors with myself."
Drew: "Is that a euphemism for masturbating?"
Patrick: "Only if I always choose rock."

"If we could give people a magic hat that would create for them the exact RPG experience they'd always dreamed of, they'd complain about the color of the hat."
- [Name Redacted]

"You didn't give life to any of the words in Mass Effect; you just killed the ones that didn't deserve to live."
- Drew, to Cookie the editor

"Cookie's making audio porn with the VO clips. She's turned Tali into the dirtiest cybernetic girl in the galaxy."
- JasonA

"Mac's in my office. He's holding a ping-pong paddle, so I figured he was ready for a meeting."
- Preston

"My youngest - he only sees me in the morning before I leave. So he now thinks 'da-da' means 'bye.' He'll wave to people leaving and say, 'Da-da!'"
- Mac, working crunch

Preston: "If your light content plot involves you killing ten panthers..."
ChrisL: "You're fired?"
JamesH: "No, you're going to Austin!"
* Note: James later went to Austin
** PCG note: BioWare Austin developed Star Wars MMO The Old Republic. Relatedly:

"The best jokes are the ones you need to patiently explain."
- ChrisP

See the full list here.