Take a break from deal-hunting with the most bamboozling Cyber Monday deals of 2023

A jumble of the weirdest and worst cyber monday deals.
(Image credit: Future)

Now that Cyber Monday is here and you sit seething over all the money you've just spent on a new motherboard (cheers AMD), why not bask in awe at some of the most bamboozling deals we've spotted this year. The whole Black Friday thing began as a way to get rid of unwanted stock at dirt-cheap prices and, while it's certainly changed over the years, that pioneering spirit hasn't changed. And man is there some strange stuff being shifted this Cyber Monday, too.

From god-awful peripherals, to messed up gaming merchandise, and frankly traumatizing homewares: here's some of the most bonkers stuff we've seen floating around over this sales period. 

We've focused on the funniest junk you can imagine here so please don't take this too seriously. Unless you have a Nick Cage enthusiast in your life who could really do with a stocking-filler, or someone who just really likes bread and/or squirrels. 

When your hands are busy gaming, hold feet instead.

Magnetic Socks with Hands | 2 Pairs | $5.20$0.99 at Ali Express (save $4.21)

Magnetic Socks with Hands | 2 Pairs | $5.20 $0.99 at Ali Express (save $4.21)
Whats the holiday season without a few socks being gifted? These are sure to rally some camaraderie among the kids as their feet can hold hands, while their hands concentrate on more important things, like gaming.

Who needs fingers when you can have a squirrel for a hand?

Squirrel and unicorn hand puppet | $9.99$7.99 at Amazon (save $2)

Squirrel and unicorn hand puppet | $9.99 $7.99 at Amazon (save $2)
Honestly, need I say more? Transform your boring old meat hands into this horned stallion and ninja-lookin squirrel pair. What better to ward off the winter blues than getting into the ancient and noble art of puppeteering? You might have trouble typing on your new Cyber Monday 

In-laws got the heating set too high this winter?

Personal piggy fan | Wearable | $14.99$11.99 at Amazon (save $3)

Personal piggy fan | Wearable | $14.99 $11.99 at Amazon (save $3)
Sweating like a pig in heat but need your hands to hold your portable gaming device? Don't worry, because now you can cool yourself down with this wrist-bound personal fan. It's also detatchable and made especially for "Kids Children Boys Girls Indoor Outdoor." Quite the versatile piece of equipment, then (What, Enby's don't get warm?). 

It has three speeds, and even a built in light—ooh, multifunction and wearable! Other styles include a matcha green bear design, and a while bunny rabbit, in case you don't associate with swine.

Men and your man-hands, look away now.

Cute bunny mouse | Wireless1200 dpi | $14.99$11.99 at Amazon (save $3)

Cute bunny mouse | Wireless |1200 dpi | $14.99 $11.99 at Amazon (save $3)
Coming in a few colourways, and even a couple of slightly more standard mouse shapes, this bunny contraption looks more like a torture device than a computer peripheral. But rejoice, one of it's main features is that it "Will not disturb others even in office or quiet environment."

That's great, though I'm afraid man-hand-havers will be disappointed, as it's "specifically designed for the palms of women and children." Ah yes, because my lady hands couldn't possibly grasp the likes of these other Cyber Monday gaming mice.

Ever drifted off in the warm embrace of a French baguette?

Mewaii giant baguette body pillow | 20-inch | $15.99$12.79 at Amazon (save $3.20)

Mewaii giant baguette body pillow | 20-inch | $15.99 $12.79 at Amazon (save $3.20)
Have you lived? I mean really, truly lived? Or have you just been going through the motions, wondering what that void at the heart of your soul is, questioning why no matter how comfortable you get there is always something missing?

The giant baguette body pillow is here for you. Finally you can take the dream of being embraced by a giant bread stick and make it reality. This product is as a bonus guaranteed to really confuse bread-loving pets.

Drape the flayed skin of Nicholas Cage over your living room

Nicholas Cage face throw | Up to 80 x 60 inches | $35.99 $28.79 at Amazon (save $7.20)

Nicholas Cage face throw | Up to 80 x 60 inches | $35.99 $28.79 at Amazon (save $7.20)
Yes or, as the case may be, no very much. Terrify and delight any houseguests with this giant throw featuring the face of Hollywood icon Nicholas Cage. Think about the intense focus of his performances as a serial killer while you snuggle on the sofa, eat ice cream with a shuddering intensity in bed, or simply lie down in the garden and scream about bees.

Terrorise your friends with this RPG-wielding apex predator.

Remote Control Dinosaur Toy | Gun included | $79.20 $20.34 at Ali Express (save $58.86)

Remote Control Dinosaur Toy | Gun included | $79.20 $20.34 at Ali Express (save $58.86)
Struggling to impress your kids this year? Wondering whether you've bought them enough toy dinosaurs, or guns? Why not double up with this remote control T-Rex, complete with tri shooter rocket launcher. Because a simple, weaponless apex predator just isn't enough for some kids.

Katie Wickens
Hardware Writer

Screw sports, Katie would rather watch Intel, AMD and Nvidia go at it. Having been obsessed with computers and graphics for three long decades, she took Game Art and Design up to Masters level at uni, and has been demystifying tech and science—rather sarcastically—for three years since. She can be found admiring AI advancements, scrambling for scintillating Raspberry Pi projects, preaching cybersecurity awareness, sighing over semiconductors, and gawping at the latest GPU upgrades. She's been heading the PCG Steam Deck content hike, while waiting patiently for her chance to upload her consciousness into the cloud.

With contributions from