No Man's Sky finally launches on PC today, starting a huge race to the centre of the game's vast procedurally generated galaxy. What secrets lie at the heart of the game? The truth is out there already, in the form of some spoilery videos, but why watch those when you can speculate wildly, as we have been doing in the office all day while waiting for the game to unlock. Here are our most sensible guesses.
At the centre of No Man's Sky universe, you will find...
Another player you can actually see.
The starship Enterprise stuck in a mid-episode crisis that you must solve using your wits and endless talking.
A really terrible Doctor Who Christmas special.
Leonard Nimoy in a smoking jacket and a high-backed chair.
A portal. When you go through you find exactly the same universe, only all the animals have goatees and are 50% more evil.
A floating fortress with a sign on the door saying “the princess is in another castle.” The other castle is at the edge of the galaxy.
The vengeful ghost of every wonky procedurally generated zebra you chose to kill for fun. This is your new hell.
A vast, gaping Christopher Nolan plot hole.
A press release announcing that Half-Life 3 has been cancelled.
A time when games were games and kids played outside and you could leave your door unlocked without worrying and something about apple pie, y’know?
The giant bin M. Night Shyamalan’s talent fell into.
David Bowie’s current address.
There is a patch of sky, and it belongs to a man. His name is Jim.
A delicious chocolate truffle filling.
Peter Molyneux, and the universe rotates slowly and majestically around him.
A bigger universe with lots of hitpoints that’s really hard to kill.
A trailer for No Man’s Sky Online.
A gift shop, through which you exit the game.
A floating-point precision error.
A leather-bound tome containing every No Man's Sky op-ed. This is your new hell.
A note that reads: “You need the sniper rifle to defeat Sniper Wolf. Retrieve from planet Tank Hangar B2.”
A protracted fight with the transcendent space baby from the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
The abyss, also gazing into you.
Frank Ocean’s highly anticipated sophomore album, Boys Don’t Cry.
The game you always dreamed that No Man’s Sky was.
The truth, I'm sure, will be far more spectacular. We're looking forward to seeing how these weird and wonderful planets and creatures will look on PC, and finding out whether the PC version will match our impressions so far from the PS4 edition. What do you think we'll find at the heart of the game?