Update: the results are in, and you can see them here.
This has barely been covered in the news at all, but it may interest you to know it’s nearly Election Day in the US! To celebrate this incredibly exciting and not at all terrifying exercise in democracy, we’ve decided to hold our own election. Yes, we’ll be electing, for the first time ever, The President of PC Games. That should briefly take our minds off the living political nightmare that has been clawing at our souls for nearly two years now!
If you think about it, PC gaming is like a country, and PC games are its citizens, and neither of those things are true at all but just roll with it, okay? Below, have a look at the candidates, their platforms, and qualifications:
Platform: The legalization of swarms of personal attack bees
Qualification: Successful businessman with a great head for golf
Platform: "I am going to kill you."
Qualification: Will eliminate standardized testing and replace it with fatal testing
From: Command and Conquer
Platform: Peace through power
Qualification: Blew up the White House one time
Qualification: A millennial with a passion for defense spending in the form of giant mechs
GeForce GTX 1080
Qualification: Nine teraflops of power, whatever those are
From: Tomb Raider
Platform: Probably on top of a crumbling stone pillar
Qualification: Can balance the national debt by stealing the priceless artifacts of other nations
John Henry Eden
From: Fallout 3
Platform: "Make the Enclave great again."
Qualification: As a computer, he can protect our cyber
From: Metal Gear Solid 5
Platform: Mother Base
Qualification: Can attend several state functions at once by using decoys
Platform: The Glowing Green Party
Qualification: Knows how to light up a room
Naturally, our President needs a Vice President, and they both need lots of cabinet positions filled, and while those positions are typically appointed and not elected we’re going to let you vote on them anyway because we had fun thinking up candidates for them.
That’s right, you get to vote. Who will you elect into office? A beloved hero? A sneering villain? A GPU? A really cool sci-fi weapon? Dysentery? Choose wisely—The President of PC Games, the Veep, and their staff will serve for four long years barring impeachment, disgrace, a microtransaction scandal, a teleporter accident, Inauguration Day DLC, a portal to hell opening, or being modded out of office.
Cast your votes below! We've also left room if you'd prefer to write in your own candidate for President. We'll post the results on Wednesday, November 9 (assuming all districts have fully reported).
If you can't see the embedded poll, or it's cut off (especially on mobile) here's a direct link you can use.