weapons grade badness

Saturday Crapshoot: Tongue of the Fatman

Richard Cobbett at

Every week, Richard Cobbett rolls the dice to bring you an obscure slice of gaming history, from lost gems to weapons grade atrocities. This week... uh... prepare to take a licking? I give up.

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Sorry, but do I really need to say anything else this week? It's called Tongue of the Fatman! In an infinite universe where every possibility exists, is there even a slight chance that this could be anything but a slice of weapons grade badness the likes of which humanity simply isn't ready for? Well, only under protest then, and only because your Saturday won't fill itself up automatically. Prepare to bow before the multiverse's mightiest man-boobs in a game that, almost certainly, actually exists.

Saturday Crapshoot: Game Over

Richard Cobbett at

Every week, Richard Cobbett rolls the dice to bring you an obscure slice of gaming history, from lost gems to weapons grade atrocities. Remember when CD-ROM first came out and games desperately wanted to be movies? This is what happened when they finally got their wish.

Back in the 90s, the gaming industry collectively looked behind its sofa, found a forgotten carton of orange juice that had been sitting next to the radiator for a few years, and decided to see how it tasted. In the fermented insanity that followed, developers everywhere became convinced that the way forward for games wasn't to make them deeper or more exciting, but to make them into films. Interactive movies, if you will. The excitement lasted a couple of years. The hangover and regret never quite faded.

Game Over is the obscene tattoo around the nipples of that whole sorry affair.

Crap Shoot: The You Testament

Richard Cobbett at

Richard Cobbett has a deeply bizarre religious experience with one man's attempt to bring The Greatest Story Ever Told to life via the medium of... a hacked up wrestling game engine. Yes. Really.

Everything went wrong when I accidentally kicked Jesus in the balls.

"Hey, what's your problem?" demanded the Lamb of God. "Touch me again and I'll kill you!"

The You Testament is the best worst game ever.

Crap Shoot: MST3K Presents: Detective

Richard Cobbett at

Richard Cobbett gets snarky with a bit of police brutality that mocks itself so you don't have to. Grab your respawning gun and wooden wood and get ready to fight some crime the text adventure way.

What many people don't understand is that those of us who savour bad movies, games, books and other forms of media really aren't doing it to be nasty. It can be a mean-spirited hobby, but if you hang out with a group for a good riffing session, you'll quickly find that the point is to have fun with the badness rather than necessarily get all smug and superior. The undisputed kings of riffing, and the ones who got more people into it than anyone else, were the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew. If you're in the US, chances are you don't need me to tell you who they are or what they're doing now.

In the UK though, we never got to see MST3K properly, making it firmly one for the alpha-geeks. If you want to check out the show, look for Mitchell, Space Mutiny, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, and of course, Manos: The Hands of Fate, which took over from Plan 9 From Outer Space as the worst movie ever made as soon as it got the MST3K treatment. The show's definitely worth checking out, and not just because it was the inspiration for today's game - an interactive riffing session that turns one of the worst text adventures this side of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy into one of the funniest.