Saturday Crapshoot: Bar Games

Richard Cobbett at

Every week, Richard Cobbett rolls the dice to bring you an obscure slice of gaming history, from lost gems to weapons grade atrocities. Today... you know what, it's a hot, thirsty day, and I need to take a break. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your game...

Being a non-drinking, socially awkward writer-type person, bars and pubs... aren't exactly my favourite places. A glass of dreadful Coke, poking at a bowl of overly-fingered peanuts and the sound of other people having a much better, drunker time doesn't make for a great evening. If only there was some way I could master the art of having a good time, or at least, convince myself that I wasn't missing out by not doing so. If only there was a lousy compilation from 1989 that could act as wingman and sensei. It could be called Bar Games, and be as much fun as falling eyeball first onto a rusty nail.

But what are the chances of that, eh?

Saturday Crapshoot: Microshaft Winblows 98

Richard Cobbett at

Richard Cobbett has... nothing to add to that. In fact, after seeing the name of this week's bit of obscura, you should know all you need. Stick around though. The Muppets turn up near the end. Honest.

Drinking leper vomit. Being served a beloved pet in a bun. Being dragged naked behind the Orient Express on train tracks sprinkled with salt and broken glass. Drowning in a vat of live maggots.

Oh, hello there, readers. You just joined us, the PC Gamer team, in our weekly game of "Things That Are More Fun Than Microshaft Winblows 98". We've been playing it for the last decade and a half, for an hour a day, and unlike this terrible excuse for a CD-ROM, we never seem to run out of material. So far, only three things have been disqualified for going too far: the movies of Seltzer and Friedberg, because at least Microshaft doesn't risk being sued by Satan for removing his writing credit, a dentist getting the hiccups during root canal surgery, and the other parodies from creator Parroty Interactive: Star Warped, The X-Fools, and one of the few games to specifically spoof another: Pyst. Shudder.

Crap Shoot: The Crystal Maze

Richard Cobbett at

Richard Cobbett takes a look at the wonderful world of gameshow conversions, starting with one of the best British programmes... and one of the most disappointing licensed games.

Games based on gameshows are generally a bad idea, and for pretty obvious reasons. No fame, no tension, no prizes, no point. The Crystal Maze had the chance to be different. It was a gameshow about playing games. How could anyone screw that up? Well, let's have a little think, shall we?