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Of all the jokes in Postal III, there’s one that just about works. It’s near the beginning, which is cruel, creating as it does the impression that there might be more jokes to come. You work in a porn shop, hoovering up the tissues of masturbating patrons. It’s invaded by Palin-esque hockey moms, so you flip from suck to blow, and so pelt the moral guardians with fresh fapkins. It’s not fun to play, for reasons we’ll come to. But there’s a certain, undignified satisfaction in it.
As of writing, 123 people have pledged actual dollars on Kickstarter so that the infamous cinematic irritant Uwe Boll can make the movie Postal 2. Are you one of these people? Do you know one of these people? Can you find one of these people? Because if so, I would very much like to hear their explanation as to why. I guess the fact that Uwe Boll is crowdfunding this "film" is also news, of a sort. Especially because it looks so brutally stupid.
They say that if you stare into the mad eyes of Far Cry 3 villain, Vaas, for too long then you lose all sense of time and language. I'm not sure that's true. I've been staring into his eyes for the last few minutes trying to think of an intro and oogle bloogle barble blom. We put Vaas on our cover this month to spread the madness and let the world know about our six page Far Cry 3 preview. The third game in the series will revisit the beautiful tropical setting of the first game and this time not everyone on the island will be a respawning homicidal maniac. Subscribers have had the issue for about a week already, but it should be hitting shop shelves as you're reading this. This month all of our readers get a key that will grant access to the excellent Tribes: Ascend beta, and six pounds worth of World of Tanks cash. There's plenty more inside, of course. Our huge tips feature is packed full of moderately worthwhile advice that will threaten to catapult your gaming skills into the realm of slightly above average. Graham's been seeing aliens, too. Partly because he's been out to see XCOM: Enemy Unknown, but mostly because he spent too long staring at Vaas when designing the cover. Read on to discover what else lies in wait in issue 237.
Every week, Richard Cobbett rolls the dice to bring you an obscure slice of gaming history, from lost gems to weapons grade atrocities. Except this week, because the game decided to play silly buggers. Instead, let's catch up with the latest from everyone's favourite director, Uwe Boll. BloodRayne 3 is a movie that clearly didn't need to be made. Same goes for BloodRayne 2. The first film though, I can at least see the attraction of the license. Nobody could ever make a good BloodRayne movie, and no matter how much love and money was poured into the project, it would never lead to, say, Dame Judi Dench walking down the red carpet, Oscar in hand, gushing over the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play the Queen of the Lecher Bitches. You could however make a fun BloodRayne movie - a knowing, confident, trashy action flick that slammed its first reel down on the table and said "Look, it's a hot redhead vampire chick in leather, killing Nazis. You in? Bring popcorn." So of course, Boll opted to make a historical piece set in the 1700s. Then he did BloodRayne 2 as... a western. Only now does he turn his attention to the horrors of the Third Reich, as seen in the original game. Can this change be shot in the arm the series needs? You may be surprised!
The winners for our Worlds of Tanks giveaway have been picked. The developers surprised us by giving us 79 bonus codes, on top of the 21 we already had. So we're giving away 100 universal codes that work on both US and EU servers to 100 people selected from the original contest post. Look inside for the full list of winners.
Last time on Intern Arena, Lucas narrowly edged out Anthony in a 60-40 split. But Anthony has a plan. He knows what he must do. Anthony, sitting in a dark room, camera pans around him] He's the most the dangerous—and brilliant—criminal mind I've ever know. For years, I've been watching him, tracking him, studying his every move. I know his every mannerism, every facial tick, gesture. I know him better than he knows himself. And now, after all this time, I finally figured out a way to trap him. I will become him.
Every year, thousands of games are pitched, hundreds are released, and just as many... simply vanish. In most cases, we never even hear about them. Sometimes, the code can be on the verge of hitting the shelves, only for the company to fold or the publisher decide to cut their losses. We've been on a nostalgic trip through our back issues to remind ourselves of the ones we were most disappointed not to get the chance to play, both because we thought they were going to be great, and because we just really, really wanted to see what the hell some of our favourite developers were working on. Here's our list. Share your biggest non-release regrets in the Comments...