Welcome to Panau's number one morning news show, "Good Morning Panau!" I'm your host, Skip Tripson! Regular viewers will know that our top story every single day for the past few years is the chaos and destruction caused by Rico Rodriguez as he battles the Panau military . This morning, however, the country seems to be in the grip of a new and unusual phenomenon. To be more precise, every single citizen driving a car, truck, motorcycle, or airplane seems to have gone completely insane !
For more on this, let's go to our traffic reporter Brock Phosphorus in Traffic Copter One!
Brock: Thanks, Skip! As you mentioned, something has possessed the average citizen of Panau this morning. Maybe they're protesting the mandatory speed limits imposed by the government. Perhaps they've been poisoned by fumes from the industrial fuel depots that appear roughly every twenty feet in our country. We don't really know at this point. All I can tell you is, people are jumping into their vehicles and driving recklessly at top speed until they smash into something.
Skip: Sounds exciting! Brock, tell us what you're seeing on the roads this morning.
Brock : In a word: airplanes! Several of them. I'm in Traffic Copter One, flying over the bridge between the Park District and the Dock District of Panau City, and there's at least one citizen who has landed his or her private aircraft right the bridge. I know we've gotten used to seeing Rico Rodriguez pull stunts like that, landing aircraft wherever he wants, or, more typically, just jumping out and letting them crash into our homes or fields or schools. But now, random citizens are doing it as well! In fact, another plane has just flown over the first plane, hit some bridge cables, and exploded!
Skip: Traffic must be backed up for miles with planes on the bridge!
Brock : You would think so, but commuters don't seem to be stopping. Or slowing down. They're pretty much just driving as fast as they can and ramming directly into the planes. And each other. And anything else in their way! There's really no traffic congestion at all, and commuters are making great time, right up until the moment they die in a mass of flames and twisted metal.
Skip: I just heard an explosion, Brock. Was a car ramming into a plane?
Brock : Good guess, Skip! But no. It was, in fact, the combined sound of a two airplanes crashing into the bridge cables while a third plane crashed into the pavement as a motorcycle smashed into a taxicab after hitting two other motorcycles that had already crashed into each other.
Skip: We're seeing images of the destruction you're sending in. I hate to even ask this, but you're not contributing to this in any way, are you? You're not firing rockets or guns at these vehicles, causing them to crash?
Brock : Absolutely not. Though I am heavily armed, this is all happening without my help.
Skip: That sounded like another explosion. More cars, I assume?
Brock: Actually, that one was mostly me. I was hovering in Traffic Copter One, trying to get a good view of cars ramming into each other, and I accidentally collided with a lamppost, and then jumped out of Traffic Copter One, which exploded and then fell on a car. Luckily, the driver was already dead from having been rammed by a speeding limousine. Still, that's my bad.
Skip : And-- sorry to break in again, Brock-- what was that last sound? The one that sounded like a giant bag of meat being hit with heavy steel door.
Brock : That was me being hit by a speeding firetruck that was driving on the sidewalk.
Skip : Was the firetruck responding to the exploding Traffic Copter One?
Brock : That's hard to say, Skip. I'd ask the driver, but the firetruck didn't even slow down after smashing into me and sending me tumbling like a broken toy into a concrete barrier.
Skip : Is this recent behavior of our citizens-- the reckless driving-- limited only to the big cities?
Brock : That's a great question. Right now, I'm on my way to Tanjung Intan, a tiny, remote coastal town that only has dirt roads. I'm keen to see what the situation is like there, away from the commuter traffic.
Skip : That sounds like it'll take a while. Should we check in with you later?
Brock : No need, I've just stolen a military jet, and now I'm bailing out and parachuting to the ground here in Tanjung Intan. I've landed, and... yes, I can confirm this. Everyone in Tanjung Intan is driving like a bunch of angry meth-addled gorillas.
Skip : Tell us what you see.
Brock : Well, a van collided with a motorcyclist and another car sped into both of them and the van flipped and exploded and now everyone is dead.
Skip : So, it appears this is happening everywhere. Do you think this sudden recklessness has anything to do with people being inspired by the wanton destruction of Rico Rodriguez?
Brock : I wouldn't blame Rico for this, mainly because he might get mad, and I once saw him shoot a grappling hook into some dude's crotch and hang him from a tree. And that guy didn't say shit to him. He was just standing around.
Skip : Brock, fine reporting work! And that's quite a nice suit you're wearing as well!
Brock : Why thanks, Skip! Apparently, it's the same one Pierce Brosnan wears!
Skip : Ha ha! Snazzy! Thanks, everyone, for tuning in to "Good Morning Panau!" We'll be right back with a four-hour list of factories that are closed today because they exploded. Drive safely!
Installation : To install the Crazy Civilian AI mod, download it here (you may need an account, but it's free and easy to register). Navigate to your Just Cause 2 folder (it's either in your Program Files or steamapps common folder) and dump all the files into the "dropzone" folder. If you don't see a dropzone folder, you can just create one.