Celebrity SimCity: Day 1

Tyler Wilde

Page 1 of 10

Untouched by the corrosive human element, PCG County was a stunning sprawl of green and blue. Forests pooled at the edges of great open plains and fresh, nourishing air flowed out to sea and back like deep breaths. County leadership saw this, and saw that it was boring and dumb. An invitational was announced, and a supergroup of talented and accomplished gamers was assembled to found great cities in the county; to build, to exploit, and to pollute the pristine landscape. Their story beings here.

Regional traffic stalls report

Actually, the story begins on the county's only access road, the Origin superhighway, where terrible traffic congestion made the region inaccessible for a good part of the day. And beyond Origin, the North America West 1 is a gridlock of mayors, presumably all coming from some kind of mayor convention. The eager Veronica Belmont has been stalled in traffic there for hours. She did make it into the region once, but she crashed into an oncoming driver so hard it ejected her off the continent.

Robert Bowling founds Hepatitis Seas

Mayor Robert Bowling of Robotoki was one of the first to found a city, and county leadership inexplicably approved his petition to name the town Hepatitis Seas. The Infinity Ward creative strategist turned independent game developer plotted the town with precise grids and ironically clean power, attracting industrial workers, burgers, and fried chicken.

Gary Whitta founds Whitta Vista

Gary Whitta , screenwriter of the upcoming film After Earth , took a quick lead in the race to defile the landscape with low-rent apartment buildings and dirty industry. To reference a different Will Smith film, it's all in the pursuit of a good happyness rating. There are hints of a future utopia, however. A solar plant in the background suggests that Whitta Vista won't linger in its dirty industry phase, perhaps to pursue high-education. County inspectors will check in again soon.

Whitta cripples New Tyblurg with a garbage truck

Meanwhile, yours truly—Senior Associate Editor Tyler Wilde—founded an experimental city, New Tyblurg, featuring one road and no intersections. City and regional legislature approved the absurd urban planning proposition as readily as they allowed NFL Punter Chris Kluwe to found a new city simply called "Herpes."

Surprisingly, New Tyblurg's unconventional design operated with incredible efficiency, funneling traffic from residential to industrial zones and back like water in the city's plumbing, but the completely unreasonable success didn't last. Whitta Vista put a good intentioned shiv in Tyblurg's Achilles tendon when it sent a garbage truck to help clean up.

The truck stopped at every single house, apparently oblivious to the traffic clog rapidly extending behind it. County legislature has since mandated that rear-view mirrors be added to all vehicles, and Tyblurg city hall is working on a plan to flood Whitta Vista with a parade of slow-moving vehciles.

Stone Librande founds a football

Stone Librande was Lead Designer on SimCity, which the other mayors in the region agree is basically cheating. However, Librande hasn't opted for a perfectly optimized city, instead building what appears to be a tribute to Chris Kluwe's career in the NFL. We'll check back to see how Librande's Silistone Valley fares going forward.

Chris Kluwe founds Herpes, spreads like herpes

If being a mayor is a competition, Chris Kluwe is winning. His city, apparently named in collusion with Robert Bowling, already has a population of over 120,000. Its industrial beginnings--coal power plants and ore mines--have been obscured by rows of residential and commercial skyscrapers. Down on the ground, a university sits in front of the Globe Theatre, just down the street from high-tech industry such as Superior Robotic Overlord, Ltd.

Can Herpes really have it all? Tech, culture, mining, and more? Or will it burn like...Rome?

Check back tomorrow to see what happens as more exceptional mayors join the region, and keep an eye on our review in-progress , which will be updated again in advance of the final verdict.

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