This is the diary of me attempting to play Skyrim using only Illusion magic: I'm not allowed any weapons, armour, or magical items, and I can't attack anyone directly. The first entry is here , or you can see all entries to date here .
A hail of arrows shoots past me, and I scramble up some rubble to get away from the Giant. I look back to see if he's following, just in time to see him crumple a guard like a tin can. Oh Lord. Sorry guard!
The Giant stomps towards me. I still don't have any stamina to sprint with, and I haven't really got anywhere else to run to, so I just run to the other side of the tower. More arrows pelt him as he trudges round after me, into full view of the rest of the guards. At first this seems like a good thing, but then he stomps off into their ranks and starts crushing them one by one.
I do the only thing that seems to irritate him more than being physically injured: try to Calm him down. He turns and runs for me. Let's go around the tower again!
I scamper on a little, then turn back to see if he's following. He's not. He's found Irileth, the Jarl's housecarl, and is beating her to a pulp. She can't actually die because she's critical to the plot, so he's just incapacitating her over and over again, beating her back into the same hole every time she gets up.
I can't help feeling almost partly responsible for this. I anti-Calm him again, and he comes for me.
By my third lap around the tower, the giant's killed all but two of the guards, and the housecarl is on her knees again. The Giant raises his club above her, two more arrows thunk into him, and he goes limp. He crashes to the ground, finally dead.
I look sheepishly at the two surviving guards, then loot the corpse.
The dragon's body crashed down a long way from the watchtower, and as I'm about to head over to it, the guard who killed the giant stops me.
"Hey, I know you." Oh God. Not now. I must have a bounty on my head in this district, though I can't remember why. I suggest he's made a mistake.
"No, there's no mistake, you're a wanted woman, and it's time you paid for your crimes."
I blew all my money on Sarah the Implausible Horse, and all my most valuable possessions - my health potions - are stolen property. Getting arrested right now would be really, really problematic and really, really embarrassing.
But strangely, I have one dialogue option I've never seen before. I try it.
"I don't have time for this. Do you?"
The guard reflects. "You know what? You're not worth it. You can be some other guard's problem."
I'm almost at the dragon-corpse when I stop again. I see something bright in the bushes. It's a ghost... of a wolf. And there's a guy who looks like John Malkovich pushing his face through a mop running along behind him. Belrand?! Holy shit, man! Exactly how tough are you? And when did you land?
We trot up to the dragon corpse together, and it melts in front of our eyes. I'm shovelling its gold and valuable bones into my pockets when its soul flows through me, revealing to the city and the world that I am the Dragonborn, Skyrim's only hope of salvation.
We're all in quite a lot of trouble.
Next: The battle of Whiterun .