How other countries (probably) play StarCraft II
Blizzard’s seemingly forgotten fan base of RTS gamers hasn't had a fresh title since 2002's Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos. And now that their time to shine has come once more, there will undoubtedly be a unique experience in each part of the globe. But just how will players around the world honor their heritage and play StarCraft II at the same time? I've got a few ideas.
Firstly, there's the great white north – Canada. Due to the good nature of Canadians, I suspect that while they’ll be engaged in hardcore unit on unit combat for minutes on end, moments before victory is achieved and one risks hurting a fellow canuck's feelings, they'll apologize for their callous ways and call out "gg, buddy." They'll then ride canoes to the local bar, drink a pint of Molson, and curl with their bearded brethren.
Despite being given a version of the game that features less blood and gore than any StarCraft player should have to endure, the South Koreans are granted a national day of inservice by the President himself, Lee Myung-bak. In the wake of this, hundreds fall asleep at their computers from week-long gaming sessions, and students are graded on how many actions per minute they can achieve. Kimchi is awarded to honor students.
The English, fueled by a steady diet of doner kebabs and Carling, completely forget about StarCraft II's release. After a long day of enjoying socialized medicine and double-decker busses, they all go home to play Forklift Truck Simulator 2009. You know, because they like the number “two-hundred and nine.”
Those of us here in the United States will of course, line up days in advance for StarCraft II. Leaving our families at home and joining our fellow fans, we'll define dedication in the name of the collector's edition. Conveniently, we'll also neglect the fact that the game is being released online on launch day.
Having just hosted the World Cup, South Africans are more ready than ever to get the celebration started. With their vuvuzelas in hand they preparBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZ BZZBZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZBZBZBZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZ ZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZ BZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!